Aunty Agony
by Natalie River
Summary: <html><head></head>Give it up for Death Note's Agony Aunts! Misa rocks this world with her fashion tips. Mello helps you keep your anger under control. And our favourite panda detective gives all the relationship advice you need. So send in your reviews asap!</html>
1. Chapter 1

Dear NR...

_Dear NR_

_I mean, I have no trouble attracting the girls! I'm mega popular, not to sound big headed of course, but I am a ladies man and of course I have the hair of a Greek god. The race love me, especially the dumb blondes, I have them falling all over me. So why am I complaining? Because that's the thing. They throw themselves all over me, and I don't want them. There's this girl and she loves me. She's sexy as hell, and she worships the ground I walk on. But I hate her._

_She's over protective and suffocating me. She's so thick I hate it. Why? Because she messes up all the time, each guy at my work is gaping at her. Nothing personal but she's thick and stupid. But she is hot, so it does have it's benefits. I bet you're wandering, how does an average guy, get a super hot model girlfriend, the answer is he doesn't! You have to be as hot and as god like as me to get one. _

_Why don't I get rid of her? She's useful, and hell she is a good looker. Course my 'mates' not that I need them, think she's hot and I agree. But she's also, what you could say, a weapon. I mean, everyone thinks I'm gay anyway, but she certainly is helpful. I need her, but I can't stand her. What do I do?_

_Yours truly _

_ConfusednotKira_

Dear ConfusedNotKira,

**Mello says**: Why the hell does everyone send their problems to me? I mean, it's not as if I have a life! Hell I do. For fuck sakes dude, if I had a blonde bimbo on my arm people sure wouldn't think I was gay. Perhaps that's what I should do, date some sexy blonde! Well that'd make me happy, I don't know what you're complaining about! How would I? Oh yeah, I'm meant to say something about health right? Go see a doctor freak! You have no clue what you've got!

**Ryuzaki says**: You do not sound like a human. Your name, ConfusedNotKira, implies that you are in fact Kira. There is a 96% chance that you are Kira, even if you are not Light Yagami. There is a 97% chance that you are Light Yagami. And Light Yagami is Kira. Why am I giving advice to ConfusedNotKira kun? Oh yes, I am the 'relationship expert'. Ryuzaki's advice is admit to being Kira and turn your attentions to a certain detective.

**Misa says**: Until Misa read your name she was so worried! Misa Misa is dating a man who looks like a Greek god! He has such beautiful hair, Misa Misa wants to keep it forever! If Misa were a man Misa would definitely wear her hair like that. It beats nasty dark hair that a nasty pervert has. Anyway, Misa should stop rambling! Misa used spell checker, and got her Light to write out her reply for her, but he must write exactly what she says, she told him that if he didn't she would kill him HELP ME! Oh ignore the nasty scribble from darling Light. Light loves Misa lots, anyway, this letter is quite sad. What kind of girl is the stupid blonde? I bet she is annoying, Misa would never be such a burden. Misa read Ryuzaki and Mello 's answers, they were incredibly insensitive! Misa loves a man in a suit, so try wearing a suit, and you'll get a girl as beautiful, talented and intelligent as Misa!

**Natalie River** says: No comment.

_Dear NR_

_I'm scared that this guy I really like doesn't care about me anymore. We grew up in this kids home, and when he was in my room he accidentally forgot to put sugar in my tea, and then he forgot to give me my chocolate! I mean, unfair or what? So I got angry at him, and swore and hit him with my gun, and then I kind of pushed him out of the window. It was his fault though, he shouldn't have sat on my chair. He ran away and hasn't been in touch since._

_Don't you think if he really loved me, he'd be in touch? I mean, this is really over reacting much. I just feel so rejected. He texted me though, and said I had anger management issues, but I'm fucked if I know what he's talking about. I mean, seriously? Come on, it's not as if we're the only people who have lovers tiffs. _

_Can you help me? MafiaDude_

Dear MafiaDude

**Mello says**: Oh yeah! I told Matt I wasn't the only one, I mean jeez they overreact sometimes! Guys can really blow things out of proportion sometimes. Talk about making a mountain out of a mole hill. Don't worry though, it'll blow over. He'll be back, begging you for your love. Bet you don't get mistaken for a girl! Anyway, in the mean time, make yourself some tea, have a good eat of chocolate, and reload that gun. If we let our lovers sabotage our hot drinks we will lose ourselves. So always believe in yourself. Dude, you haven't got anger issues, he's too soft. Reload that gun, and don't put it down.

**Ryuzaki says**: Mello kun, you are not allowed to send in your own letters...oh my apologies, apparently this is not your letter. Owning a gun is illegal if you do not hold a licence, do you have one?

**Misa says**: OMK! That is like so unfair. I had the same problem with one of my exes. Apparently holding someone against their will is now illegal, according to some. I mean, how unfair can you get? Threatening or having someone threaten someone's life is also frowned upon. Jeez! Really, that is so mean. So what should Misa say? Oh, yes Misa Misa advises on fashion. Try wearing boots, because you can keep a gun in them. They look hot on guys and girls. But Misa would never be unfaithful to Light, Misa Misa loves Light.

Dear NR,

How many of a girl or guy's friends should you check out before settling for him? I mean, when ever I'm out with my girlfriend I found myself attracted to his hotter best mate. When I go from one boy, to his mate it tends to cause a slight amount of friction, and I'd prefer an easier life. But I can't vet every friend or potential boyfriend before sleeping with him, or I mean I'd never get any where. What's the number?

Nogoodatmath

**Mello says: **You should totally do him and check out his mates, all of them! That's what I would do! I mean, if he hasn't got any fanciable mates, then he's soo not worth it. Besides, the more guys, the more action! Who cares if there's friction? I don't.

Have a good time, with one guy and date another. Plus, once you meet someone like me you won't be able to look at other girls, I mean guys. Go girl! Or guy..

**Ryuzaki says**: 2.3

**Misa says**: None! If you're dating a handsome, guy, like I am! OMK Light is the most amazing person in the universe! I lurv him so much! I would never ever even look at another man, especially one of Light's friends. Light doesn't have many friends really, only a pervert detective, and Matsuda. And neither of them are that attractive, there's also Ryuk, and he's disgusting. No offence. But yeah, I would never ever ever in a million years look at someone else!

**Misa says**: One in five boyfriends haven't seen their girlfriend without makeup. Even in bed.

Name: Mello  
>Age:18<br>Gender: Male (yes I'm sure)  
>Occupation: Mafia boss, news paper reporter, Greek God.<br>Looking for: Single women, or men. Actually it doesn't matter if you're single or not.  
>Sexy leather wearing chocolate eating blonde<br>Contact at: .reviewbutton

**Mello says**: In the year two thousand, 2000,815,000 people committed suicide.

**Natalie River says**: Thank you for reading this edition, of Aunty Agony, please send your letters, complaints and recommendations to the reviews page, via reviewing. If you would like to address your letter, or message to a certain character please do, and if not then it will be answered by all. That is all, from Natalie River. Over and out.


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Nr..

_Dear Nr,_

_I feel really under appreciated. I'm great at my job and I never (hardly ever) make any mistakes. I think I'm becoming depressed! It's so unfair! I mean I make like the tiniest mistake and everyone calls me an idiot. I'm working on a special case at the moment, catching the world's worst killer (I can't tell you specifically which one of course!). However if I make the smallest mistake I get shouted at and called an idiot. What should I do?_

_Touta Matsuda_

_PS: I included a picture and my name for any single people out there who want a handsome clever boyfriend!_

**Mello says: **I heard you were stupid. But I never knew you were _that _stupid. I would say just go get a new job. Seriously? If anyone called me an idiot I'd shoot them. Get that gun of yours out and blow the brains out of the next person who calls you an idiot. Seriously, they won't do it again. It works for me. Don't let anyone ever tell you you're an idiot even if you are! Confidence is everything.

**Ryuzaki says: **Matsuda kun do you really want to get yourself killed? Are you honestly that stupid? To send a photograph and a real name to something public? Really? Matsuda if Kira doesn't kill you then I may have to myself. Matsuda you idiot! (Oh and Misa you contradict yourself).

**Misa says: **You sound like a person I know, but I can't honestly place who you are. There's this idiot that my wonderful boyfriend works with, but I doubt you're him. I mean I don't even think he has a name! I can never remember it, but he is quite cute. I don't think he can write though. Still, Misa says don't let people put you down. Its' not very nice! Misa would never do anything like that. Come work for Misa instead! Yay Misa Misa!

_Dear NR,_

_Are all men vain or is it just me? All the men I meet these days are incredibly vain, self absorbed sexists-none of them are good enough for an attractive babe like me. Are all men like this (because I think they are) or am I looking at the wrong men?_

_S*yu_

**Mello says: **You know, they sound like the kind of guys I'd date. Incredibly attractive, and so confident just like me! Darling it's not vainity, it's confidence and putting women in their place. Honestly I can't see why you're complaining. If they're self absorbed they seldom ask to talk, and I mean do you really want to be with someone who talks a lot? If they're as attractive as me they have a right to admire themselves. Just get used to it! Be happy to be uke when they ask, but make sure you take control.

**Ryuzaki says: **I would like to point out that you are sexist in assuming that all men are like this when in fact only a good majority are.

**Misa says: **Misa Misa totally agrees with you sister! I'm assuming you're female that is. But if you're male I have no objection! Misa has dated a load of idiots like this and believe me she is out of there! Misa says find a cute guy, like her darling Light and put him in his place. Keep him keen but not to cruel. So make sure you find the right guy, cause he'll do anything for you! Yay!

_Dear NR_

_I'm sorry to say but I am very ashamed to say this, but I'm ashamed of my family. For almost a year I've been dating this beautiful girl and everything is going great. Apart from the fact that she's not met my family yet. My younger brother is a lawyer, my sister is a model and my older brother is a buisness man. But just six months ago my parents found out my sister had and continued to star in porn movies. This of course broke their hearts. Three months after that my older brother was imprisoned for drug dealing. This lead to my father having a nervous breakdown, and he was arrested then sectioned for acts that he comitted. My mother took up robbery and loves the fact she keeps our family going. _

_I really want to be honest and open with my new girlfriend. But I'm terrified. How the hell am I going to tell her that my younger brother is a lawyer?_

**Mello says: **It doesn't sound that your younger brother is the issue. Personally I think that this sister of yours is the star of the show. But before I could give you any advice you'd have to give me away to send a more focused answer. A copy of the videos would be sufficent, you know I love getting gifts from readers. Oh advice right? Just like lie or something. Tell her he's a crack addict, she'll like it better.

**Ryuzaki says: **There's no reason you should be ashamed. Everyone hates something about their families. Not that I would know from personal experience. However if you are truly ashamed of this brother of yours simply do not introduce him, or do not introduce him with his job title. Simply say "This is my brother" She will find out one day. Because the truth will always overcome the lies.

**Misa says: **I don't know. They do say flaunt your assests or something like that! Why don't you wear some really nice clothing or really big sunglasses and then your sister won't notice! Or you could like lie or something. Maybe you could like say like he's busy and not introduce them. Like Ryuzaki says. So yeah, oh and smile. Girls like smiley guys! Yay!

_Dear NR,_

_Recently I recieved the most dreadful chain letter! It threatened all sorts of dreadful things if I did not post it to at least one other person immidately I would die. But if I posted it to four then my crush would kiss me on the soonest Wednesday after that day. So I was really really scared. But then I had the solution! I'd post it to you.._

**Mello says: **Oh dear. Now I'm going to die. Really? Nah don't worry, I've just sent it back to you.

**Ryuzaki says: **Chain letters aren't real.

**Misa says: **How could you? Now I'm going to die! You cruel cruel person! Misa Misa hates you and is going to have her super cute boyfriend find you and murder you! Ha ha ha! Misa wins!

_Dear NR_

_I had wonderful dark hair! Honestly! But due to an unfortunate accident when I was highlighting it my whole head of dark hair has turned blonde! Disaster! However what I'm more worried about is the fact that does this automatically make me dumb? Just a question. I'm seriously worried! Please help me!_

_Ginger Snap_

**Mello says: **Hell no! There will never be too many blondes walking this earth! Screw the whole global warming thing, if there were twenty billion blondes on the planet I wouldn't mind it being hot! Hell yeah, I'd love it! Blondes are smexy who cares what colour hair they have? I mean I'm blonde can you call me thick? If there's anyone called Near out there don't bother answering that question! Anyways blondes smlondes-who cares?

**Ryuzaki says: **Hair colour has never had anything to do with intelligence. Never has and never will it. I don't think that matters. Besides, you aren't a natural blonde. It's dyed techincally due to the highlights. Meaning even if we assumed all blondes were 'dumb' it still would not apply to you.

**Misa says: **That's like so offensive! It's like anti blonde or something! Misa Misa is so offended it's insulting. You have no right to say such a thing! Blondes aren't dumb! Misa is an example of that! You should be inspired to be more clever because you're blonde! Misa Misa says stop being pred- that word that Misa can't remember and start looking at the world in a more open minded way!

**Mello says: Remember to keep spare bullets in case of emergencies.**

**Misa says: 90% of men want to have children. So why doesn't Light?**

**Ryuzaki says: The average man sees five women that they would like to sleep with a day**

**Misa says: (But Ryuzaki only sees one man!I)**

**NR says: **That's all from this addition of "Dear NR" bringing you the latest gossip the latest problem page answers and the latest news. We better leave before Misa and Ryuzaki start a bloodshed. Send your reviews in asap!


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Nr..

_Dear NR_

_I was staying in a hotel with a couple of friends on a seminar last summer, and my mates got drunk, one of which offered himself to me (he's not that good looking in my opinion but he's got a good body), am I stupid for not having him or was I right to wait till he sobered up?_

_Linda_

**Mello says:** Are you wrong am I hot? Hell yeah you were wrong! I mean if Mattie or any other guy with a good body offered himself to me I'd say yeah! I mean chance of a lifetime or what? Then again..if you took advantage of him while he was drunk he might get angry. They tend to get angry. Anyway yeah, so morally you were probably right. If he sobered up and accused you of..certain 'activities' that might make your relationship go downhill. Then again Matt wouldn't mind if I fucked him. But there we go, maybe he'll offer again? When you're drunk you tend to do things you wouldn't do normally. So since I'm obliged to give some advice yes you were right. Whoopdy doo, go get a medal or something.

**Ryuzaki says:** I have been in that situation only once before! I shall share that story with you in the hope of sparking some reaction. It is as they say what us advice columnists are meant to do. A, shall we say work partner of mine had gotten slightly intoxicated while being chained to me for reasons that need not be given. He offered himself to me, and I regret to this day refusing. Ignore that sentence please! You did the morally right thing, though I would think you would know that. Unless you're someone imoral, such as kira.

**Misa says:** Urgh Ryuzaki you pervert! You got Misa's Light drunk to take advantage of him! Oh yes. Well my Light would never do anything that stupid. But if he did offer Misa Misa would never ever say no. Misa would not like to take advantage of someone, but if that someone does not understand that he's loves her then sometimes it must be necessary. You probably did the right thing. Why should Misa care? Oh yes! Assuming you're female wear revealing clothing and you're bound to attract him again! Or just be your charming self! Write to Misa for more fashion advice if you need it Linda san!

_Dear NR,_  
><em>I don't know what to do I have almost no friends and the ones I have I hate and never hang out with them one beats the sh** out of me and then uses my laptop to go on omegle and she's dating a guy I hate I'm happier for her and such but he's really mean. so yeah I mainly have trouble with that one friend and I don't know what i would do without her because when i think about leaving her I think about leaving all my friends but I need friends. and I think i'm being mean to my brother because I treat him kinda like my friend treats me. And also I haven't been on one date in my life and I find it weird because I want to date but theres no one there and i start thinking is there something wrong with me because im strange, tempermental, crazy, REALLY immature, soo yeah I thinks thats it.<em>

_Anon_

**Natalie River says: **Please remember that this fanfiction is no substitution for a real agony aunt, or a counsellor. The advice given is not going to be as full or as correct as you could be given elsewhere. But we do answer letters from reviewers so here we go. Friends you hate are no friends at all. Beating you up is not a sign of friendship, it's a sign that they need someone to control and you are that person. It will seem that you don't have any other friends, but please realise that that is not true. It always seems like that, but it's better to be without friends and with aquaintances than with people who you hate. You need to tell someone about this girl. She's not your friend she is a bully. She uses you for your possesions. You quite dependant on her, but you need to cut contact with her if possible. You're happy for her having a boyfrind, and that's good. You need to tell a teacher, an adult anyone. What she's doing is not right, and it can't be justified. Get away from her. If it's possible and you really have no friends apart from the ones you hate ask to move schools. A new start, with new people is always good. Join a new club, try a new activity. Anything to get you away from these hated friends and to meet new people. It'll be scary doing it alone at first, but it gets easier and you will make new friends. I started a sport alone, and I'm hopeless at it (still am) but I met people and slowly friendships were made. Please continue to review/pm me so I know how you're doing.

**Mello says:** We all think we need friends, when actually we don't. Right that may sound confusing but I'll explain. When we stop caring about what other people think we really do make friends. I went to Wammy's, and I was alone. I had no friends, and that was what scared me the most. But I became the people who weren't friends with me's worst enemy. Thinking back this wasn't right. Because I took the bullies attitude and turned myself into one. I was so cruel to Matt and made him be my friend. Because I was afraid to walk into rooms alone, I took advantage of him because he was weaker than me. Thing is, I finally talked to someone and now Mail Jeevas is my life. If you're worried about the way you treat your brother you need to talk to a trusted adult, because if not you won't sort yourself out. If you can't do that then you can't help what you do to him.

**Ryuzaki says: **Being strange, tempermental, crazy and really immature is part of growing up. Many children and teenagers experience this, and many adults do too. You're always changing. So keep that in mind. You will continue to do so until you're fully grown and for years to come. Mood swings often occure and your emotions while you grow will be everywhere. Just keep in mind one day you will be free to travel the world, and have a good time doing it. Just remember that. What you fear about being alone now will always be there, it's an instinct to want to be loved. Someone will love you, you just need to give it time.

**Misa says: **A lot of people aren't in a relationship until they're in their twenties. There's nothing wrong with not having a boyfriend of a girlfriend yet. Do you really want to have a boyfriend at eight? Because Misa has seen some children claiming they're in love when they're obviously not. Love happens at different ages. You will find someone. Misa promises. There is a special person for everyone, and that person right now is wondering the same thing as you. But do not worry, one day you will meet that person. And it will click. Don't rush it yet, just dream. Dreams can come true, and dating's not all it seems. Have fun flirting and being single, but know you'll date someone one day.

_Dear NR,_

_I went out with my first boyfriend for six months and three days. It's been four months since **he **ended it. I've kissed two different boys since, one kiss per boy. How long is it 'till I'm over my ex?_

_T****A_

**Mello says: **Two guys in four months? Honey I kissed two guys in four minutes. Seriously, only two? That doesn't sound like you Takada! Only two? I can't believe Light thinks your hot. Sorry but that isn't right. Only two? Bloody hell.

**Ryuzaki says: **Recovery time is decreased by 1 and a half days every time you kiss a male. Getting 'over' someone usually takes 50% of the relationship length, so it should take exactly 3 months to recover. You were over him 1 month at least a month ago. I wouldn't know however, never being in a relationship.

**Misa says: **Misa Misa would never be over Light! No matter how many boys she kissed! Or girls! So Misa says you were over him when he ended it. He's not worth it Honey. Misa says you should kill him. That's what she would do if he broke up with her. Not that her Light ever would!

**NR says: **Another additon of Aunty Agony is done and dusted. Please send in your reviews, your problems, your fake problems and your flames asap for a chance to win a date with a Death Note charecter of your choice. Natalie River will write your winning date along with another chapter of Agony Aunty. For a chance to win just answer this question- What university did Light and L both go to?

The winner will be chosen at random. A different question will be posed in each addition to Aunty Agony. So that's all for now. Good night!


	4. Chapter 4

**The Prize!**  
>"Hi I'm Keira." The girl grinned slightly and nervously. She pulled a hand over her forehead and was convinced she was sweating. Not that the redhead seemed to notice.<p>

"As in Kira?" He asked surprised, his hand was already on his gun.

Keira jumped backwards raising her arms in defence. "Hell no! Keira as in Keira. Not Kira as in Kira. Don't you listen?" She demanded.

Matt shrugged. "Well you know who I am." He raised his eyebrows. "So...Are we going to do this or what?"

"Do what?" Keira was now confused. "Quit smoking!" She ordered, Matt was already puffing on another cancer stick and they'd been in each other's presence for less than thirty seconds.

"You're not the boss of me." Matt snapped. "You're not bad looking. Why are you desperate?" He seemed oblivious to the fact that she gaped showing many pearly white teeth before using the hand that didn't hold the cigarette to close her mouth. He blew a bit of smoke into her face. "You look like a goldfish."

"I'm not desperate!" She protested slightly.

"Then why are you dating me. Besides you won this date or something?" He asked. "I like the cut by the way." He held the cigarette in between two fingers as he stroked her face.

"Uh.." She felt uncomfortable. She'd just met him after all. "So..yeah then..let's do this.." The awkwardness was almost like liquid in the air. She gestured towards the entrance of the theme park. "So have you been here before?"

"Once. With my school- we studied the physics of roller coasters." He said this as if it were perfectly normal. The same normal as he carried a gun, the same normal as he smoked what looked like a lot.

"Wow really?" She raised her eyebrows shielding her eyes from a summer sun. "That's cool. We never did that with our school. I went to public school though. Where did you go?" He didn't look the type to go to private school, then again you could never tell with some people.

"Oh a place in England." He abruptly ended the sentence in such a way that made it obvious that the conversation about schools was over. "You?"

"Just a normal school." She grinned slightly more. "Nothing special. So why are you in the States then?" She stopped talking as he brought two entrance tickets from a woman behind a desk. He handed one to her and the pushed their way through barriers and gave their tickets to another man who gave them both back the ticket stubs. "Oh this is exciting!" She grinned pocketing the stub. "Those are strange glasses you're wearing." She commented, pointing at the goggles with her fingers.

"They were given to me by a friend." There was a certain sadness in his voice that belonged to people who had loved and lost.

"Oh." Keira smiled sadly. "A friend?" She wanted to ask what kind of friend. A girlfriend? Or a boyfriend even?

"Yeah." He shrugged. "But that's the past. I really thought we had something. But not any more. You know?"

Keira nodded. "I think." She admitted. She pointed at a large roller coaster that looked like a death trap. "Oh let's go on that!" She grinned.

"Looks like a hell of a ride." He smiled back. "Why not?"

As they queued Keira continued to question the goggles. "So why do you still wear them?" She asked. She really hoped she wasn't sweating more and he wasn't noticing it. There was something so unattractive about sweat patches on clothing, and it was that hot a day. Her head was already starting to pound, and she felt sticky. Her shorts were fitted, not tight or loose, but they hung on her legs making them seem longer than they were. They gave her hips emphasis, made her waist smaller. And the vest top that matched them was beautiful. Matt didn't look like he cared what he wore, jeans that were ripped with chains hanging from them, he wore boots similar to her own, and a long sleeved t-shirt that was striped. His clothes looked casual, but also emphasised his own good features. He acted like he knew this, and was proud of it. Cocky, and for some reason Keira liked this. "So why do you wear these things then?" She pointed at the orange goggles once more. "It means I can't see your eyes." She pouted slightly, her face so close to Matt's that he could feel her breath on his mouth. Breathing the same air as her, feeling the same way as her. It felt odd, he didn't want to trust himself with her, but at the same time she seemed like a nice girl. "You know those things will kill you."

"Not if I do it first." He sighed stubbing the cigarette out with his heel then tossing it into a bin near by. "When will this queue move?" He begged.

"We're moving." Keira commented. "Slowly."

"Ha ha ha."

"That's a stupid laugh." She laugher herself now. "You don't say 'Ha ha ha' you actually laugh. Like-" She demonstrated.

He laughed too now, loud and clear. "Ok. I'll laugh properly." He raised his eyebrows. "You laugh like a weirdo anyway. Who laughs like- he he he?"

"I don't laugh he he he. That's like the sound a squeaking pig." She made a face at him. "So you were going to tell me why you still wear those goggles.."

"Was I?" He asked as if he'd forgotten.

"Yes you were." She prompted.

"Oh." He grinned. "Well this guy, he was really special to me. And he was my best friend. Have you ever had a best friend Keira?"

Keira shrugged. "I guess." She meant yes, but that felt like to much to say at the time.

"Well he was my best friend. And, and then he wasn't." He finished the sentence quickly. "Do you have anything against gays?"

"No of course not." She shook her head eyeing the slowly moving queue. There was a small child crying as he was led away, too short for the ride.

"Well I loved him, and I thought he loved me. But it turned out he didn't. I thought he loved me, I really did. And then I told him. On Valentines days of all days!" He ran a hand through his hair.

"It's logical." She admitted.

"I suppose." He agreed. "But he didn't feel the same way as me."

Keira wanted to hug him. But she didn't, instead she simply nodded. "Believe me I know how that feels."

"Well now he hates me. Let's just get this over with, ok?"

Keira sighed, the happy attitude of the day had just departed with the small child.

At the end of a long day Matt asked Keira if she would like to go back to his apartment. "This place stinks of smoke and.."

"Yeah I know." He chucked some books out of the way, and hid some incriminating footage, kicking a few pieces of expensive equipment underneath the bed. "I'm sorry. Sit down." He grinned. She sat down on the bed, though he had been indicating to the bean bag chairs.

"Sit by me." She asked. He submitted to her demand and sat beside her leaning back so that he could put his arm around her shoulders. Even now, he wore the goggles. He'd worn them all day, through all the rides, and even while they ate food. He'd eaten a small portion of fries, and half a burger. Not a lot, and she'd been worried about him. He looked skinner than he should be.

"I never thought this day would turn out nicely." He commented. "I'd given up on dating. I was going to concentrate on my job."

"You have a job?" She raised her eyebrows questioningly. "Really?"

He shrugged leaning in slightly. "Well I do odd jobs. At the moment I'm working on a case. I was with the friend I mentioned." He sighed fiddling with the strap of the goggles. "Still do really. Just don't have much contact with him."

"I'm sorry it didn't work out with you two." Keira sighed sadly she leaned in letting her head lay on his chest. She could feel his bones.

"It wasn't meant to be." He made out he didn't care.

"You'll find someone." Keira murmured finger his shirt. "I promise." She looked at where his eyes would be but was faced with only plastic. "Please take off your goggles." He started to protest but she used her silky smooth fingers to close his mouth. "Shush. Just for a second."

"If you want." He rolled his eyes behind the lenses. Then slowly pulled the goggles off. He stared at her blinking icy eyes that looked like emeralds. There were purple reddish bags under his eyes, that made him have the appearance of a corpse. The emerald eyes belonged to an old man who had seen a lot, and seeing them made Keira want to cry. Every moment of sadness she had experienced came back to her, each funeral, each day each and every tear she'd ever cried flooded back to her mind. But then he smiled, and the thousands of smiles returned.

"There's more to you than meets the eye." Keira whispered silkily.

"You know what, I like you." Matt murmured back stroking her hair with his lean fingers.

"Same goes for you." She admitted. "I need to go now."

"I'll give you a lift." He offered twirling a set of keys on one finger. "Catch a bite to eat on the way?"

"I'd like that. It'd be nice." She smiled as they left the small apartment, his arm snaking around her waist. Yes she did like it, and it felt like Matt felt the same. Perhaps there was a space in life for second chances.

* * *

><p><em>Dear NR,<em>

_Say, theoretically, I was the head of the mafia, and, theoretically, I had a 17 year old leather wearing, chocolate eating mastermind working beside me, and, theoretically, I liked this certain mafiaso... And theoretically, he thinks I'm an ugly f*cker... And theoretically he's planning to blow me & the rest of the theoretical mafia up..._  
><em>RodsooooonotmafiaRoss<em>

**Mello says: **So what's your question? You want advice or something? Everyone keeps sending me letters, it's so not fair. It sounds like he likes you! Why else would he want to blow you up? Is there an age difference? Because usually sexy leather wairing chocolate eating masterminds don't honestly care. Unless he has eyes for only one other person. Do what you thinks right. Blow him up before he does the same to you. Or call me.

**Ryuzaki says: **Your relationship doesn't seem to be going anywhere. But this is all in theory right? So there doesn't seem to be any problem. Theoretically I would tell you that he is probably dealing with his teenage years at the moment. That is all. Give him some time to mature and he'll become a nice young man and realise he doesn't really want to blow you and the rest of the theoretical mafia up. Either that or he'll just turn out like Mello.

**Misa says: **Misa Misa did not like all the posh words! You kept using big long ones that she did not understand! Misa would be happy to reply if you spoke normal Japanese or English! But what's with this theoretically? Are you both in the theatre? Awww! That's so cute! Misa Misa likey! Have fun with your play Rod!

_Dear NR,_  
><em>i'm losing a bet against my friends and as my 'punishment', they set me on a blind date with a creepy guy who looked like a drug addict or a wanted criminal. He sat oddly, has circles under his eyes (which i'm not sure about the color, but they looked... reddish) and ate nothing but strawberry jam. He said he really likes me and keeps showing up at my campus! I was about to tell the police when my friend said "there's more than meets the eye". Should i give him a chance?<em>

_Help me!_  
><em>-Doppelganger's Doll<em>  
><em>(19, female and confused)<em>

**Mello says: **Darling anyone who's willing to give you a chance deserves a chance! There's always more than meets the eye! Like me for example, I'm hot, I'm sexy, I'm blonde and have a fetish for wearing and having leather put on me, and I'm a super genius! Not all that meets the eye. Of course I apparently have anger issues, but that's what they know. Give him a chance, perhaps he is a stalker perhaps he isn't. Just make sure you try and meet in public places- that way you've got witnesses.

**Ryuzaki says: **That sounds a lot like a man I used to know. I would prefer it if you contacted me first. He's a wanted criminal and deserves to be punished. However I would give him a chance. I would, not that I've ever been in a comitted relationship of course. What was the bet you lost? Perhaps your friend knows more than you do..I had that once. A friend tried to set me up with another friend, it was an experience to say the least. Not one I intend to repeat any time soon.

**Misa says: **He sounds like a creepy pervet detective I know! Phone the police immidately! I know what it's like to be in a relationship, and my Light would never be so creepy and evil as that! Oh my Kira don't let him near you! He'll try and touch you next time and steal your phone! He did that to me! And he's gay! Ok Misa can't say that because it's slander, but he acts gay! I mean who else chains themself to my boyfriend? That's right. He did! Oh my Kira phone everyone you know and next time you see him slap him!

_Dear NR,_

_I have a friend that I care very deeply for. He's one of my best friend. But before we were best friends I used to hate him. I have no idea why to this day but ironically that hatred is what brought us together as friends even if he wouldnt admit we were friends at the time. He started to flirt with me and touch (not inapropriaely) me and I would find him staring at me and I thought it was strange but I liked it. I discovered months ago that I found myself infatuated with this person. I told him how I felt knowing that there's a major possibility that he doesn't feel the same and that he won't be my friend anymore. But I took the chance. He didn't feel the same. But we continued being friends and the flirting continued to this day and it even intensified. More touching and flirting. He even admitted we were best friends the other day and he hugs me at random when just a month ago I had to beg him for one. I have no idea what is going through his head. I don't know if he likes me or what but I'm getting worried that he likes my friend more than me... But I don't know... I've been trying so hard for this kid... So I need advice. Do you think he likes me? Should I keep trying? What should I do?_

_K_

**Natalie River says: **Wow. It sounds complicated and it really probably is. A lot of things can go on in a guys head, and not all of them will ever make sense to us. A lot of things go on in girl's heads too, and they won't ever make sense to anyone else. It may be perhaps that that's how he is with everyone. Apparently I flirt with every guy (and girl) I meet, and I honestly don't try. I hug people a lot, and that's in a friend way. Taking a chance is really really difficult and it's a brave thing to do. My advice is to keep trying, but remember that it's a crush and you'll have a load of them in life. They can be crushing but you will get over them. There are other guys out there waiting for you.

**Mello says: **He might not see flirting in the same way as you do. Perhaps what you see as flirting is his attempt at saying he wants to still be friends and to stay friends. Then again he may not have realised at the time, but more and more he thinks about it he's realising your a girl, not just a friend and your friendship could be something more. He might be ashamed, trying to misdirect your attention away from him and towards your friend by acting in some way? None of us here can tell if he likes you by reading a letter, we're sorry but we may be genii we're not that smart. My advice is bring it up again, ask him casually. And try flirting yourself with him, lean towards him when you talk, stare at his lips- hint for a kiss, and if he goes in for it then I'm pretty sure he has some feelings for you.

**Ryzaki says: **I have handled some dreadfully difficult cases, and this seems to be one of the worst. I advice you to keep trying, subtly of course- what have you to lose? If he doesn't like you back you're still best friends, it'll be hard but you're still mates and you can still have fun together. Your relationship will develop naturally, try to be patient. My advice is to take the chance again, broach the subject slightly. Dare games are usually good for such things, and it would be quite a nice idea. You and a few other friends, could you ask someone to dare you to kiss him? I mean how can he refuse? Or what about asking him out, if he says no then say it was a dare. If he says yes then don't say anything, just grin and give him a peck on the lips. It's cute. But remember if you use the dare excuse once, he'll be afraid that your joking if you try again.

**Misa says: **Misa would just threaten him with her Death Note. And threaten any girl or guy who tries to date him. Death always persuades people more than talking. But her being your friend is a problem. She won't be after you murder her though! Yay Misa's advice is brilliant still!

**Mello says: **Dear Matt,

You look the kind of guy I like. Are you a redhead?Redheads turn me on? And more importantly, do you have a crazy girlfriend who will murder me if I touch you? If not we should so get in touch. You're a hacker you say? Sounds good. I like a good hacker. I need one at the moment actually, but you better remember to put sugar in my tea, to buy my chocolate and never ever ever to sit in my seat. Those are our only guidlines, and by guidlines I mean things that stop me shooting you. Can you get to LA any time soon? That's where I am at the moment. Meet me outside the Lost Souls Cafe at half nine in the evening tomorrow- I'll be the blonde holding a gun so you can spot me. I look forward to meeting you Matt- as long as you're happy being a uke. That's all. Yours truly- Mello.

**NR says:**That's all for now! I hope you all enjoyed our latest addition. Our winner was...SyC0bEaR

I chose the winner by asking my little sister for a random letter, and the name that had its first letter closest to that letter won. The letter was S. Meaning for now she wins! A new question, the winner of this will be chosen in a different way, a random way I will work out later. The winner will recieve a date with a Death Note charecter of your choice, in your review please state the name of the person you wish to date, the name you want to use and where you want to go. The question is-

**What is the name of the former Wammy's resident who helped devolp the virus in L: change the WorLd?**

Send in your questions, answers and letters asap!


	5. Chapter 5

_Dear NR,_  
><em>I'm a chain smoker. My best friend calls me a walking cancer magnet in his attempts to stop. I understand his concern, but he crossed the line when he dangled my DS(when I was in the MIDDLE of a game, mind you) over our 12th-story balcony until I handed over all of my cigarettes! And I wouldn't mind so much if he were a health nut, but all he does is eat chocolate! He's going to be morbidly obese long before I contract lung cancer, yet he has the gall to tell me not to smoke? How do I tell him politely to basically screw off and worry about his own health, not mine?<em>  
><em>-KingOfDS<em>

**Mello says: **Fuck off! That's so unfair! God damn you I could have dangled you from our apartment but I didn't. Is that really the issue here? I think you're being a little cruel. If you insist on stinking up our apartment then I refuse to let you live there! I would threaten to move out but l can't be bothered. Besides I paid for an eighth of that appartment, and I deserve to have that eighth. Seriously. All I do is eat chocolate? I do a lot more than that. I supervise you doing work, I supervise you playing games. That's all you ever do! Play games! It's so unfair! God damn you Mattie! We'll talk about this tonight, and I can guarantee you this, if you don't slow down on the fags there'll be no kisses for you. And you're the uke for the rest of eternity.

**Ryuzaki says:**Mello you did not answer the question. I would advise you use the phrases you used in the letter. "Please screw off and worry about your own health." Sounds quite sufficent. Explain that you accept he worries for your health, but you'd prefer he worry about his own. I do believe that although he may become obease before you contract lung cancer, however you can not undo what you do easily. He can simply excersie, lay off the chocolate or he may be the kind of person who remains thin unnaturally and illogicaly. I had this problem once, a 'friend' of mine told me I would die from eating all the sugar I eat. I countered by informing him that that was just what he wanted seeing as he was Kira. I would tell you to make a deal with him, like I did with Light. He stops murdering I stop eating sweets. He said he couldn't because he wasn't a murderer, I didn't stop eating sweet things. You slow down smoking, he doesn't each as much chocolate.

**Misa says:**Oh I've never been to DS. Is it a nice country? What's the weather like? Misa Misa fancies a holiday and if she can convince Light kun to come with her that would be wonderful! Your highness if your friend did such a thing why not have him executed! It's what kings do right? Misa thinks crowns are hot and men in power are too. So if only Light would agree to wear the crown, but he just won't! Do kings have special powers? Misa read somewhere they only die if they have a stake put through their heart! So lung cancer isn't a problem is it? Silly King! Misa Misa would love to be a queen, and if Light wasn't her King she would marry you! Misa will visit your country when she finds it on the map. How would you feel if we included a short geography piece about DS land? Yay yay Yay!

**Matt says: **_Dear Mello,  
>I'm glad I am a ginger then. No I don't have a girlfriend. You've been reading too much of Misa's responses on Aunty Agony. We should get in touch. Then I'm your guy Mello, after we meet I'll bring chocolate and my resume so we can get things started. On the job sex sounds really kinky. I'll remember all of the guidelines but I don't think that I'll follow all of them though.. I doubt that once you're in bed with me you will even think about shooting me. I live in LA actually. I will do that Mello. I'm the red-head with orange goggles. I doubt you'll miss me and I most definately will be seeing you. I'm looking forward to our meeting Mello. See you tomorrow. Oh yeah, I'm never uke. But for you I would be.<em>

**Mello says:**Never the uke huh? We'll see about that then Mattie. Mind if I call you Mattie? Sure you don't! You sound like someone I used to know. A while ago actually. You better be glad you're ginger, gingers are Hot capital H. The whole chocolate thing, it has to be Bournville Dark Chocolate. However I will accept anything else if I'm darn hungry. Do you have a boyfriend though? Damn it I really don't care about that. I'll meet you tomorrow then. But make sure you're not too kinky because I might have to murder you just for that. I need to be able to concentrate with you around understand? You live in LA? How lucky! We should meet up, but remember it's at your own risk.

**Natalie River: **has no responsobility over what Mello does if he agrees to meeet with you.

_Dear NR_  
><em>I am completely in love with a sexy blond (You know who you are ;) ) but said person already has a boyfriend. I was wondering if said person wouldn't mind also having a girlfriend too and if said boyfriend would be angry at me for asking. Also, I'd like to add that I have red hair and A LOT of chocolate that I am willing to share ;) <em>  
><em>Mrs. Keehl<em>

**Mello says: **I love sexy blondes, me being one of them of course. It depends all on the blonde, sometimes they're incredibly faithful to their redheaded chain smoking boyfriends. But othertimes they're incredibly cocky and will do anyone who doesn't move fast enough. I think the boyfriend would be a little angry, I mean how would you like it if someone came along and said "By the way you know you're boyfriend? I'm his other girlfriend." God damn it this question is way too hard. NEXT!

**Ryuzaki says:**Morality is often rare among the wicked. I do not see why he would or would not be happy. But what about your husband? Mr Keehl, would he not mind if you started dating another man. Unless he of course is dead. Under sucpicious circustances perhaps? Or are you in the midst of a devorce? Either way are you sure you need to be dating a 'sexy blonde'? I do not know any sexy blondes, and having never been in a serious relationship I am unable to fully answer your question.

**Misa says: **Oh my Kira! I am not attracted to women! Yes I do already have a boyfriend, and he's incredibly handsome. I would never leave him for someone, especially someone called Mrs Keehl. Of course Light will be angry for you to be asking this to me! He might even kill you! I hope he does! I don't find red hair attractive, I have good friends who are redheaded, but a girlfriend? I mean if I were to date a girl she'd have to be a brunette. I'm sorry, but I don't care about you the way you feel about me. A lot of men and women become obsessed with me, and I'm very sorry that you're one of them. However I can not help you today. Please accept this signed photo with my condolensces. (Yes I can write my name)

_Dear NR_  
><em>My parents recently pased away in a tragic life taking acident. I'm 12 but i'm in colledge, my friend(i won't tell you who)in LA suggests I go to Whammys and then he went on some sort of rant about being the best criminal and beating L. But anyway what should I do? Go to Whammys? Stay with my insane sadist friend in crummy run down motels? What do you think?<em>  
><em>Backyard-Beleave-Queen<em>

**Mello says:**Whammy's is a wonderful experience for the unfortunate orphans. I would say it is a curse to a lot of us, however I hear it's gotten much better. Oh but staying with your insane sadist friend is going to give you a thrill. I'm not sure. What do I think? Well although living in crummy run down motels is an incredibly attractive offer, I would probably go for Whammy's. It's not the best place to live, but it's better than motels. It's a constant roof over your head, some kind of constant education, and you get fed every day. It's kind of like prison, and the pressure can be too much, but it's not that bad. Go for what your heart tells you to do, if you go to Whammy's, remember you can always run for it later.

**Ryuzaki says:**Whammy's is an orphanage for the gifted, are you gifted? I suppose you must be slightly gifted to be in college three years early. Of course I had solved twelve murders by the time I was twelve, not all of us are of the same skill of course. Perhaps your gifts lay in languages, or art, or perhaps even science. We're always in the need for good scientists. The world should always be. I thank you for the heads up on this friend of yours, he must have gone to Whammy's, which narrows down my suspect list. You should have already known this, perhaps you did. I think Whammy's would be lucky to recieve another student of your quality, we are always in the search of candidates to become the second L.

**Misa says: **What is Whammy's house? Why do people keep talking about it? Oh beating L sounds nice! He's a pervet! He tied Misa up all kinky! I mean perverted or what? And I caught him watching me in my underwear the other day! His excuse was that I was wearing more than I usually wore and he thought it was an outfit! How horrible of him! He obviously doesn't understand fashion! OMFK! So, like I think seeing as I don't know what Whammy's is (perhaps it's a zoo) I think you should stay with the insane sadist friend. I mean what harm can it do? I stayed with Light, and you could see him as the same person. Please beat L, and hurry! Because he's not a very nice man, I'm not even sure he's human!

_Dear NR_  
><em>After murdering three people and attempting suicide I was finally caught my an idiot girl who by some fluke discovered I was the killer. I was sent to jail, where I am now but I really have no problem with that. Prison is not that bad except for one thing. Regardless of how much I request it, they refuse to give me strawberry jam! This punishment seems quite extreme as I was given a life sentence, not a death sentence. I fear that if I go much longer without my jam I will in fact die. Please help! It's an emergency! <em>  
><em>BB<em>

**Mello says:**Easy! Just threaten to commit suicide! Actually attempt it, even if you do succeed at least you're not being deprived of jam. Why do you not send a letter to someone higher up, I'm sure exceptions can be made. Prison isn't really that bad at all is it? Then again you are meant to be punished, You took the lives of three people, and destroyed families. I do not think that is something quite to be proud of. I too have taken lives, but although I do not regret them I feel the greatest most passionate remorse. My sincere apologies BB, you were my friend, you had the same task as me and just like me you look to have failed. My deepest apologies.

**Ryuzaki says: **You failed B, you failed me, but you also failed to pass me. Just like A failed, and although I do not understand the concept of taking one's own life I do know that the taking of other's is a crime. It's incredibly lucky you were not given the death sentence, because I could have easily arranged that. Be thankful that you are still alive. You will have withdrawal symptoms from your strawberry jam deprivation, however you can't die from it. Though the lives which you spoilt may wish you did.

**Misa says: **OMK that's like Misa with out Light. It isn't right. Hear that Ryuzaki you pervert? It's not right or fair! I totally agree. Misa Misa shall write a very threataning letter to the prison telling them to give you jam or she will cry. And when Misa cries people die, understand?

Question time!  
>I'm in second place in my class and no matter what, I can't beat the one who's top! How can I get to the top without cheating? And also, how can I tell my best friend I love him?<p>

**Mello says:**That sounds like a situation I'm familiar with. I would say do anything it takes, to beat him, because there's more than classwork, but beating him can be in other ways. Play what you're good at, use unorthodox means. It will work. Because there is point to it. If you do what you're good at you can and will beat him. It's possible. You will be able to do it one day, one day it will happen. Just remember to believe in yourself. Cheating sometimes works too. How to tell him you love him? It's like getting into a swimming pool full of freezing cold water. You need to take a jump, take a risk. It'll be scary when you do it, but you can do it. Breathe and be calm, and then go in for it. Of course if he makes it quite obvious he doesn't like you that way, or he's dating someone else I wouldn't advise it. It will most likely make your friendship awkward.

* * *

><p><strong>Natalie River says: <strong>Thank you all so much for your reviews! This is the most I have ever had in so little chapters. Please send in your comments via reviews as always, your questions, and your letters. Our agony aunts are always waiting! If you have a request to speak to another charecter it can be arranged. The question still stands, for a chance to win a date-

**What is the name of the former Wammy's resident who helped devolp the virus in L: change the WorLd?**

Hint- The letter before L...


	6. Chapter 6

**Matt says:** I have no problem with Mattie! Why should I? Maybe I am someone you used to know, but who knows! Ha ha you know it. Mental note taken. No I do not have a boyfriend. But I think the question is are YOU single? It's a date. Well I'll let you be the judge of how kinky it is. Understood. See you tomorrow ;)

**Mello says: **Enjoyed our date today. And guess what, you're hotter than I thought. Hrm, wasn't as kinky as I thought it'd be. You need to up your game. I think it's best if we keep the single or not fact secret, I know how much you love mystery. See you soon lover boy.

_Dear NR,_  
><em>I have a serious addiction to toys. Not only do I play with them, I also eat them. The people around me are becoming concerned for my health. I do not see what is so awful about eating toys but everyone seems to have a problem with it. Should I quit eating toys for the sake of others and if so, how would I go about quitting this habit? <em>  
><em>N<em>

**Mello says:** Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! I'm almost choking on laughter! I win N. I knew I would, there's no way you could ever win while you've got that horrible habit. You're an albino freak, you know that? Should you quit for the sake of others? Hell no! Since when have you cared about what the rest of us feel like? Exactly, you've never cared. Ever. So what's the point starting now? Go to rehab or something. Jeez, quit complaining.

**Ryuzaki says:** Your addiction seems quite serious, I advise you seek medical help urgently. This could be a serious problem, and over the years eating toys can cause you deadly side effects. It will give you a buzz when you first eat them, and I understand that. However the plastic in most toys, and the paints, the acrylics and the many other things that go into making even the simplest of toys can effect your health. There's also the issue of mental health. Addictions can be dreadful things to cure, and not everyone takes them seriously enough. Addictions can be hard to spot, and you can become addicted to many things. For example selfharming, purging as well as drugs and alchol. Please seek help before this becomes a life changing problem. I suggest that you (seeing as you sound quite young) go to a trusted parent, a doctor, or a trusted friend and tell them you need help quiting. Admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery.

**Misa says:** Ew how could you eat toys? Urgh! They must be so bad for your skin! Imagine what all those toxins do to you! Bleurgh! OMK! Why don't you eat sweets or something! I suppose toys haven't got much fat in them, right? But really, is this what you want to be doing? Misa agrees with Ryuzaki! So go have a happy life! Stay off the toys! You have a problem dude!

_Dear NR,_  
><em>I have a question specially for you. My brother is seven years my junior, yet he still manages to beat me at almost all IQ tests, puzzles, games and whatnot. I constantly get ignored by my parents and the little thing believes he'll get the better part of the inheritance one day. As if! I am the firstborn child, therefore, I will! Right, right?<em>  
><em>Another problem I constantly face is a desperate need to constantly buy the newest shoes, clothes, etc. Is that bad?<em>  
><em>And also, people keep accusing me of being a spoiled self-centered brat. I am not! The fact that I want to brutally murder my brother and take over the world to create a new better life for myself, is irrelevant. <em>  
><em>Lady Avarice(in despair)<em>

**Mello says:** Oh my gosh, I really have had that kind of problem before. To your first question I would say no. Now in the twenty first century if there are only two of you technically you could get the same amount. Or perhaps if they prefer him they might give him more. However that isn't fair. Just because he's younger doesn't mean he deserves more than you do. Aproach your parents calmly, is it the fact that you're always angry that makes them ingore you? Consider it. Oh and if all else fails don't murder him, it's so easy to get caught these days. Just show baby pictures of him to any potential girlfriend and ruin his life the nice way. Plus your parents will look at you better that way. Kill him with malicious kindness.

**Ryuzaki:** Hrm, this is an odd case as are all. I think I may be depressed with all these letters. I shall answer your second question, seeing as Mello has decided to answer your first. Is the fact you have a desperaet need to buy the newest clothes and shoes etc bad? I would say yes. I live in one outfit, that has never effected me. But what really matters is that you're spending money buying these things right? Your money issues could get out of hand and you could end up in debt. There's an eighty percent chance that you see your possesions as they only way you can beat your brother. Is that so? If it is then please seek help. Talk to him about him, but try not to threaten him. Most people get angry when you do that.

**Misa says:** OMK soo unfair. Just 'cause you're thick and he's not doesn't mean it's fair for him to think he's better! I mean everyone used to think they was better than Misa but Misa showed them! And no it's not bad you want the latest things. Misa does, there's nothing wrong with Misa. She's the sanest most logigogical persycholical person in the wholes widest world! You're not a self centered brat at all! Could you call Kira self centered and evil? No. Then they can't say the same about you. But remember on your way to taking over the world it's tough. Sometimes it's hard for Misa and Light to commit to a real relationship, struggling with work, love and the whole Kira thing. Just keep calm and you'll get there.

_Dear NR,_  
><em>I tripped over Optimus! Seriously! And Bumblebee! And every robots in Autobot's side! Argh! Toys toys toys everywhere. Even in the darkest corner in my house is full of my youngest brother's toys and he's too lazy to put them back to their rightful place. He always get the newest toys everytime we went shopping, bought by my parents, while I need to save my own money to buy books. Well, my marks are kinda average but he got the first place in his class and i never saw him study. He's a 9th grader, but he behaves like a 5th grader... With straight As! I swear, if i find another A+ by december, i'd like to dye his hair white and give him fingerdolls.<em>  
><em>With a pissed off look because my feet are hurts,<em>  
><em>-Doppelganger's Doll<em>

**Mello says:** Oh my Lord, that sounds so much like an annoying little twerp I know. He is kinda cute though. But back to the point, I think you should get him accused of cheating and expelled! That sounds about right! If you have cheat sheets or something plant them on him. Or write notes and hide them in his pencil case for the exams, or if you know where he'll be sitting and you can get away with it offer to help set the tables up. Hide a bunch of notes in what looks like his writing. Then hope he gets caught with them! A lot of stuff can happen. Sabotage my friend is the way to go. Or you could be all honest. You know?

**Ryuzaki says:** How unfair that does sound, however I have always been an only child, that other children strive to be like. So I can not say I emphasise with you. Do you think dying his hair white would make him age? Please believe me, I doubt it will. However giving him finger dolls may result in him acting even younger- because it's been encouraged. Why not dose him in his own medicine by ignoring him? Of course one wouldn't want to cause family rifts and what not.

**Misa says:** Ew white hair would be mortifying! It would literally kill Misa if she found a white hair on her head! Oh my Kira! That's so cruel! That's deserves Kira to kill you! I wish he would! Ew! Someone who would do that to another person? Misa thinks you're disgusting! Ew Ew Ew!

_Dear NR _  
><em>Thank for your response. Oh and yes my friend (still not saying who) was a resident at Whammys. So I've decided to stay in LA because I'm scarred of what my friend would do to me if I did go to Whammys and it is a little thrilling to live with him. Though I can't say I sleep well at night because of him.<em>  
><em>Backyard-Beleave-Queen<em>

**Misa, Mello, Ryuzaki and Natalie River say:** You're welcome. However Ryuzaki would like to say sleep deprival can have a detrimental effect on your health.

_Dear NR,_  
><em>I. Have a big problem. I'm in love with 2 people at once ones a jam loveing phyco maniac who is now in prison (sob) and the other one is a sexy blond mafia boss. I don't no who 2 choose :O also any one have a tip how to brake him out of prison? <em>  
><em>Kisshufan4ever<em>

**Mello says:** Oh I would so chose me darling! I mean at least I outlive the other guy right? Because I ain't in prison. Of course if you have to choose maybe something isn't right. Still why don't you see which one has the spark, but start dating both. If they love you back they might understand, might being the word. For breaking out of jail I would reffer you to a mafia associate of mine. His name is Matt, and with his hacking skills and my awesomeness (Yes Misa it is a word) I'm pretty sure we could break you in or out of anywhere. Good luck and keep in touch.

**Ryuzaki says:** I see no hope in either relationship lasting. However I do like jam, I do not love it, but it is so incredibly sweet that I'm quite fond of it. I'm not in prison, and I am yet to die. Perhaps you would consider me as a substitute? Not that I would want it. I am honestly no exper on relationships, however I must say that they do often fail. Sadly but true. Why not depend on a substitute like mathamatics or sweets, because they will never let you down like humans will. Although I have not lived for very long I must say that humans will always let you down. There is no logic to them, I can not trust them or myself. Perhaps you should consider the same.

**Misa says:** Oh my Kira, what is it with you people? You're all like "I love him but I don't yeah but yeah I like really like dis other guy yeah.." You make no sense to me! Ahhh! Your one in prison is a criminal so it the mafia boss! It doesn't matter how sexy he is he is one of Kira's enemies and you will be too! Don't do it. Go for neither and find yourself a nice honest guy like my Light.

Question time-

All my friends at school keep teasing me about this guy. Everyone thinks he likes me and when I look at him it seems like he's looking at me. But I don't like him. What should I do?

**Misa says:** Do nothing...yet! If you confront him it may seem like you do really like him, especially if he doesn't like you. Plus imagine how embarassed he would be! If he does think you like him, and does something like asks you out explain nicely but firmly you're not interested! Try to let him down sensitvely, and don't gossip about it later. Do it the way you'd like a guy to reject you. Ignore your friends or just say "So what? I'm attractive people should be attracted to me." It's nothing to be ashamed of! Men are attracted to Misa, and Misa's friends are jealous- perhaps yours are too?

in recent months a few of my friends have revealed that they are upset, low self esteem in dark place and self harm. is there anything i can do to get them to talk about what's bothering them. i really worry about them and any advice you give would be amazing.

**Natalie River says:** When I started this fanfiction I agreed to answer any and all questions/letters that reviewers or private messangers sent. And so far I have. I'm not going to break that now. Thing is I know you, and I know that you're asking this because you know I'll answer. To be honest, personally there's not a lot you can do. By staying my friend you do enough. Just don't push it, please. Demanding answers is as bad as not bothering to ask. So respect that I don't want to talk about some things please. However I did notice that you said friends as in plural. I'd say be there for them when they need you, because they'll be there for you when it counts. Hopefully. I know this advice will probably cause some of the people reading this to be annoyed that I'm not saying "Go talk to a trusted adult," or something along those lines. Because usually I would say that. But when it's me I find it different. I'm really sorry for that.

On a better note the last question went down a little tricky didn't it? I said before L thinking some of you might get that it was Kujo. However I did include those of you who said K in my random draw. The winner is...**mellofangirl**..I gave the four of you correct answers a section of numbers- 0-25 26-50 51-75 and 76-100. Then I did a random chose a number with the only person in the room. It was 42. So well done **Mellofangirl**. I can guess who you'd like a date with, but please could you review telling me where and of course if you do want a date with the infamous Mihael Keehl!

**New question- For how many days was Light Yagami held in solitary confinement? **

**Send in your letters, questions and answers asap! Thank you so much for all your faithful reviews! Though in the next addition to Aunty Agony L and Mello are on strike due to no reviews for Broken Angel causing sugar cuts! Taking their place for a special edition only will be super cute super smoker Matt, and of course your best loved Touta Matsuda! In the edition after that there will be an all exclusive interview from the couple of the century...Lisa! Otherwise known as Light and Misa! See you next time!**


	7. Chapter 7

The Prize  
>The date started badly. Mello looked around for the girl in a red and black hoodie, and ran towards her arms outstretched, or so she thought. In fact<p>

Mello had been stared at the chocolate river flowing in front of him, it ran, seducing him far more than his date ever could, through a forest of candy. He had run towards it, and swore when he hit his nose on the wall the poster was pinned on. Standing by the bus stop, Sara (his date)had laughed.

"That was stupid." She grinned. "Didn't you notice the fact it has 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory- out now' written on it?"

"Shut up!" Mello shouted angrily. He rubbed his nose, and stared at his hand. He was bleeding.

Sara pulled a tissue out of her jean pocket. Her red and black striped hoodie hung close to her, she hoped that was a good look. The shop assitant had said it was lovely, but that might have been to get her to go away. She sighed, and in a motherly way (curse those instincts) put her hand to his nose, stemming the blood. Mello jumped backward and she laughed. "I'm not going to drink your blood!" She laughed. "Especially not from your nose!" She pulled a face.

"Hrm." Mello scowled.

"Well are we going to get going or what?" She asked.

"Fine."

It only took them five minutes to get to the chocolate factory. That was because Mello insisted on driving them. Sara thought she might never see the light of day again. She dreaded that the tintited windows of his car were going to be the last thing she saw. It should have taken about half an hour, but Mello drove fast. And she meant fast. She fiddled with her bag, it was a shoulder bag. More suitable and easy to carry than a handbag, but less drastic than a backpack. She tried to stand up properly, as Mello closed the door after her. He pressed a button on his car keys, and the car beeped as it locked. He grinned at her.

"Let's do this!"

"How did you manage to get tickets to see the inside of one of the world's most expensive chocolate making factory?" Sara asked the question that had been bothering her all night.

"Let me worry about that." He winked, and tugged at the edge of his leather jacket. He wore leather pants, they were tight, and Sara knew she'd never be able to pull of the look he was doing. She didn't think anyone could, but he certainly did. They were dark leather, and were slit up to his hips, meaning he probably wasn't wearing anything underneath them. They were laced up, with ribbon. His jacket was sleevless, letting his buff muscled arms show to the world. They were scared, as was half his face. It suited him though, and his dirty blonde hair fell untidly around his face. He looked like a male prostitute, there she had said it, but he looked like an expensive one. Sara giggled nervously, she knew she was pretty, she knew that, she knew she looked pretty, she had been told that, but compared to the Greek God standing beside her she felt plain. Worse than that, she felt ugly, disgusting, dreadful!

He blushed slightly. "So, are we going to-"

"Yeah we should-"

"Ok." He said. He took her hand slightly awkwardly, and she held his fingers tightly. His hands were quite rough, as if he was used to heavy work. They were rough and burnt, larger than her hands, as she reasoned he could probably hold both her wrists with one hand. He led the way to a large door, there seemed to be security everywhere. Sara wondered if all of it was really necessary. After all it was just chocolate! Then again, she doubted saying that to Mello would get her into his good books. Mello aproached the security desk and grinned.

The man behind the bullet proof glass smiled patronisingly. "Listen," He said. "I'm sorry." Though he hardly sounded it. "But we don't allow tourists or tours unless previously scheduled."

Mello smiled, tapping his fingers on the edge of the glass. "Listen," He said. "I think you'll find this is a private tour, for me and my lovely date."

"You have passes?"

"My name is Mello." Mello winked. "I think you'll find that my tour is scheduled."

The man seemed almost afraid. He nodded carefully, backing away from the glass before bellowing for another man. The security guard pointed at Mello, then at Sara, and then a muffled conversation went on. It was short and sweet though, and suddenly from a side door a man in black trousers and a white shirt came out tugging at his tie anxiously. "Sorry to keep you waiting Sir." He smiled. "And may I just say what a lovely young lady Sir has on his arm today."

"You may." Mello smiled. The man was sweating buckets, quite obviously afraid of Mello. Sara felt slightly awkward. "Now, shall we begin our tour?"

"Of course Sir." He snapped to attention. "You may call me-"

"I shall call you Mr Wonka."

Sara stiffled a laugh. He was really intent on this wasn't he? The man looked shocked, but had probably been told not to argue with anything Mello said. He nodded after a second. "Of-of course." He stuttered. "Follow me."

Mello linked his arm into Sara's. "Let's follow the man then."

"Welcome to Keehl's Chocolate Factory." The man known as Mr Wonka smiled. He had bright blonde hair, cut short and seemed to be in his late twenties. "We recently had a name change." He informed the 'guests'. "We were about to go out of buisness, it seems not many can afford our chocolates, but we were bought by an annonomous purchaser. It seems that Sir knows him?"

"Better than you could imagine." Mello informed him. His boots squeaked slightly on the floor. They went up to his knees. Black, and steel toe capped. Sara looked down at her own boots, not nearly as impressive and falling to pieces, but they still kept her feet warm. Her hair was tied back in a pony tail, and she wore the minimum makeup. After all the stuff was meant to flaunt what you had.

Their guide led them through a corridor, and entered a pin into a machiene on the wall. The solid door slid open, creaking as it did, and Sara was surprised her ears didn't bleed from the screech of it. They had entered a room of giant vats. "Would Sir and Ma'am kindly wash their hands?" The guide asked, he looked afraid.

"Of course." Mello grinned. "Hygiene is important after all." He informed Sara, squeezing some gell onto his hand. He took her hands in his, and helped her clean her hands. She felt a pang of excitement wash through her, sparking through her spine. She giggled and stopped herself before she went to far.

"Very good. This way." Their guide said. "This is one of the last stages." He informed them. "We're just getting ready to pour the chocolate into the moulds."

Mello smiled like a small child at Christmas, continuing to grip Sara's hand. "What different moulds do you use Mr Wonka?" He asked.

Their guide aproached a phone on the wall, and made a quick phone call. Soon there was a young woman with an apron tied around her hurrying on her way toward them. She held a tray in her hand. "These are our latest." _Mr Wonka_. Informed them. "We have our love hearts," He showed Mello the love heart. "It is crafted in two parts, and when pulled apart there is a message inside from your loved one. Carved into the chocolate. But first, you must eat the centre."

"What different centres are there?" Mello asked, he held Sara's waist now. Hugging himself around her slightly. Sara didn't protest, it felt nice.

"There's a chocolate cookie centre, a chocolate and toffey, and I think..yes, a strawberry and chocolate.."

Mello took the chocolate heart from him, and handed it to Sara. "May I?" He asked the guide.

"Be my guest."

Mello snapped it in half, handing Sara the half with the message. A red strawberry cream had been pulled in half, so that half remained in Mello's part, and some in Sara's. Sara looked up at Mello. "Be my guest." He smiled, licking his lips.

Using her tongue Sara carefully licked the chocolate away, she wondered what the message would be. If there was a message at all. Mello had already eaten his half of the heart. Sara scraped the last of the strawberry cream away, to reveal the message. _For Beautiful Sara._ She felt the blush rising to her lips. She smiled at him. "Thank you." She managed.

"Are you going to eat that?" He asked.

"Be my guest." She replied handing it to him.

Their tour of the factory continued in such a way. Mello presented her with a chocolate rose, it's stem had been hard toffey chocolate that she felt she would break her teeth on, and the rose milk chocolate covered with surup. Mello had helped her stir chocolate, Mello had fed her chocolate. By the time they got outside she had eaten so much chocolate she felt like she would never be able to see it again. "Did you have fun tonight?" He asked as he opened the car door for her.

"What yeah! Of course!" She replied.

"Oh, just you looked a little sad."

She shoved her bag of samples by her feet. "It's just the night is over." She grinned. "You did all that for me?" She asked finally. "That was so sweet of you."

"Thanks." He paused. "It's just..I really...I really like you..and I mean more than mates..I mean I invited you as a friend..and you're my friend..it's just..I've never had to.." He stumbled over his words, mumbling and stuttering at one hundreds mile per hour.

Sara laughed slightly, and leaned over to kiss him. It shut him up. Their lips collided, and Sara couldn't think of anywhere else she'd rather be that night. She pulled away slowly, letting her misty scent spread over him. She smiled purely. And fastened her seat belt. "Now I'll show you what I can do with chocolate." She whispered into his ear. This time, he was the one who blushed.

* * *

><p><em>Dear Ryuzaki<em>  
><em>How often do you sleep? And eating only sweets can have a detrimental affect on your health too.<em>  
><em>Backyard-Beleave-Queen<em>

**Ryuzaki says:** Sleep? What is this? That was my attempt at a joke, they are puns and other such humerous wordings. I do not joke often. It must always depend on what I am doing, and of course when. On an average night I will sleep for up to four hours, sometimes more sometimes less. I am aware of the risks of eating sweets, but the word you use is "can" this does not mean it does. Besides, I am L.

_Dear NR_  
><em>Let's say I have a friend that just so happens to be the oldest out of 5 not-so-adorable midgets. There are 2 more on the way, her mom's stuck in bed for the next month or two and her dad's never home being a taxi driver and all, leaving her to take care of the munchkins. She told me that she feels like she's being choked by all the responsibility and stuff, and that she doesn't have a clue how she's going to manage to get the straight As' her dad expects while managing her family and after-school activities. What should she do?<em>  
><em>Stormy<em>

**Natalie River says:** I have a friend who just so happens to be in a similar situation to you. This friend is not the oldest, but due to illness she is the the eldest capable out of four. Her Dad works long hours to, and sometimes stress can get to her. If this friend of yours feels choked, she needs to get out of some of it. Having to look after four kids is tough work, especially for someone her age. And I'm guessing she is quite young, under eighteen? Her Mother isn't to blame, and neither is her Father. But this friend of yours needs to talk to her parents, she has to tell her Dad that she can't quite manage everything. Because taking on too much is dooming herself to failure. I'm sorry but that's true. If you spread your butter too thin so there's enough to go around it's weak. Please private message me if you would like more detailed advice, but remember I'm no sub for real agony aunts.

**Matt says:** Responsibility is part of growing up, but it seems that there is too much on her. My advice is for her to speak to her parents about this. Depending on the age of the younger siblings perhaps they could take a share of the work? For example housework like washing up, washing clothes, at the age of around eight most children can do this. Cooking is another matter, but if you work it out right it is possible. Remember this stress on your friend is hopefully not going to last forever. So for now try to balance it if you can. If they are small children, that are your friends brother's and sisters, then they usually go to bed later than the friend. If she gets them in bed at a reasonable hour she can still give herself an hour to study and some relaxing time. Balance is what is needed, and it doesn't sound like your friend has that at the moment.

_Dear NR,_  
><em>Forgive me for I have sinned. Today I dropped chewing gum. I yawned and it fell out of my mouth onto the floor, I usually abide by the law "Don't drop litter take it home". Before I could pick it up a pretty blonde stood on it and it stuck to the bottom of her shoe, I tried to help her by lifting her foot but she then fell over into the road and screamed at me. This caused a car to swerve to avoid her and most unfortunately it went and hit a bus. Luckily no one was hurt, although the bus did topple into the chapel causing some of the bricks to fall, crushing it slightly. Again according to the news no one was seriously hurt. But as I watched the emergency services clear the place, attending to minor cuts and scrapes the stupid blonde threw the gum onto the floor. I couldn't get to it before the ambulance men told me to move, so now it's lying there. I can't sleep because of the damage that I caused. One piece of gum can change the world. Where would we be if everyone left pieces of gum in the street? Forgive me please.<em>  
><em>Simon<em>

**Matt says:** Wow. You stress to much. Chill a little. Smoke something. Drink a bit. Get high. Who cares. Just. R.E.L.A.X

**Natalie River says:** You have problems..

**Misa says:** You're forgiven!

Our interview with...Lisa. Directed by the one and only Touta Matsuda, we have nothing to lose in asking one of our favourite couples some daring questions. Misa Amane known to have been incredibly private about her relationships in the past gives all the goss about her new relationship with Light Yagami today, in an exclusive interview with NR.

**So Light, what's it like dating a supdermodel?  
><strong>Light said. "It certainly has it's benefits. Misa is a lovely girl, and she deserves someone special. I just hope I can be that someone."

Misa blushed, pulled at her hair and then gave Light a quick kiss on the cheek. She had to lean toward him quite a bit as he was sitting on the edge of his chair as if he were afraid of her. "Aw Light kun! That's so sweet! Isn't Misa's Light sweet?"

**Yes Misa. So, how did you meet?  
><strong>"Well we actually met when we showed.." But she was cut across by Light almost immidately.

"I can't let my beautiful Misa do all the talking! We met through a friend of a friend, and started dating from there."

**So was it love at first sight?**

"You could say that." He looks off into the distance as if he's talking to himself in his head, which from our theories he does a lot of. "Yes, at first sight!" He laughs manically.

"When Misa saw Light she knew he was the one. You could say she saw the light! Misa's eyes are something most people would trust, and so Misa trusts them! Light is special."

**So, unlike your previous boyfriend Hedeki Ryuga,he's not been in the press before?  
><strong>**"**Of course not! Misa vowed she would never date another celebrity! And she's sticking to that promise! Though Misa doesn't care if Light is famous or not. She's never been in love like this before!"  
>Light doesn't get the chance to say anything because we already moved on to the next question. Misa gripped his hand so tight we thought her knuckles turned white, it appears Light thinks it's a bit tight too and is trying to escape from her grasp.<p>

**After the death of your parents, do you think Light is a kind of saviour figure?  
><strong>"Of course not! That's just silly! Misa doesn't need saving, Light's just perfect and I love him!" She bursts into a fit of giggles.

"Perhaps." Light admits. "I don't know. I just know that Misa's my other half as you would say. I help her, and she is of course incredibly useful to me." He stares off into the distance again and our interviewer was sure his eyes went slightly red.

"Oh Light, that's so sweet. You make Misa blush!" Misa blushed again, looking stunning as ever.

**What are your plans for the future?  
><strong>Light grabbed Misa's hand back now. "I really don't know. But I know they're big, Misa and I both have dreams, and together we can achieve them. Working together is what makes the world go round."

"We're going to have kids and get married and have sex and we're going to love each other forever!"

"Right.." Neither our interviewer Touta Matsuda nor Light bothers to inform her it's customary to have sex before children.

Have you made love to each other yet?

**"What kind of question is that to ask?" Light demands looking slightly anxious. It appears he was sweating as he tugged at his tie to loosen it.  
>"Of course not! We're going to get married and have kids first! Besides, Light is only saving it until after the Kira case is over." Misa informs us.<br>"Right.." Light agreed perfect love match? Or are Misa and Light heading for splitsville? Could there be tension in between the lines? And is there someone else in this soon to be complicated relationship? **

**Natalie River says:** Thank you for reading! Please review as soon as you can! Make sure to send your letters in, and your answers to the question asked last time.

**For how many days was Light Yagami held in solitary confinement?**

The winner's name will be released next edition of Aunty Agony! Remember we will all answer questions asked, and if you have any requests please don't hesitate to ask. Want Matt to become a regular? Perhaps you'd like to read an interview with Matt and Mello..or maybe you'd just like a shout out..all this and much more! And while I'm at it, I would like to thank XxDeathRose11xX for being the first person to review this fiction. If it hadn't been for that review this fanfiction would probably have been deleted. Thanks!

Make sure you check out **Broken Angel** for deeper Matt/Mello and **Neville Longbottom and the Philosopher's Stone** for any Harry Potter fans out there.


	8. Chapter 8

_Dear NR,_  
><em>My girlfriend is a complete idiot. She's just so stupid I can't even take it anymore. She can't even speak in first person! I hate her and I want her dead but the problem is that I need her. I have some really big plans for the future and without her I won't be able to accomplish them but I can't take another second of her! If I break up with her she'll probably kill herself and she'll be no use to me then. I am also completely in love with someone else but because of my idiot girlfriend I can never be with him! What do I do? Please help!<em>  
><em>Ihateblondes<em>

Dear Ihateblondes  
><strong>Mello's advice to you is:<strong>Fake it. And how can you hate all blondes? Seriously? I mean I personally believe I'm god's gift to humanity. You're over reacting. However if you're not and she really is like an ex colleague of mine here at NR then I commend you for not killing her yet. Can you not find a replacement? If she's really stupid lie to her. Make up some stupid excuse why you and this guy need to sleep in the same bed. If she's mega stupid she will believe you. Tell her something like, "I need to be chained to this guy due to me being a suspect in his investigation" if he likes you back he'll go through with the lie too. What harm could it possibly do?

**Matt's advice to you is:**Plans shlams. It isn't that important. I mean, half of us have no future these days anyway. She can't speak in first person? That is sad? Is she like thick or something? Besides, after you've been heart broken a couple of times you'll understand. You need nobody. Sigh. You'll be all alone, and you won't need anyone to complete your plans. If you really want to succeed then make smaller plans. That way you don't need anyone. For example my plan for 2011 is to live through it. It's easy enough, and it's not as if I can really fail at that is it? Life is too pointless for big plans. My biggest plan is to make someone fall in love with me. It can't be that hard now can it?

**Ryuzaki advise to you is:**I see no problem. Using people is what they are there for. They are all here as pawns on the chess board my friend, to win we must use them. If it helps you complete an investigation it is justified.

_Dear Mello (and Matt)_  
><em>What's the single most epic prank you've ever pulled on Near?<em>  
><em>Stormygio<em>

Dear Stormygio  
>I would have to say the signle most epic prank I've pulled on Near is..well just promise not to tell anyone, ok? Especially not Roger. He'd probably get me (us!)! I don't know. I honestly don't. I don't think there's a particular prank we've pulled on him that's ever been that bad. Well there was this one time where we -wait that wasn't Near. Urm..ah..it's really hard to think. There was one time we put rice in his umberella, and because he doesn't go out often he didn't notice until he was on his way to an 'important' meeting, he dropped them all over his head! We pulled a lot of others on him, but then we made him cry and somebody (not naming who!) felt really bad. So we apologised. I still think the most epic prank was when we convinced him that he was wanted by the FBI and that he was a failure to man kind.<br>**Mello (and Matt)**

_Dear NR_  
><em>Ithink my cat is possessed she looks at me and it creeps me out and yesterday her green eyes turned red. When the door rings her pupils turn to slits and she bushes up her tail and runs around meowing, hissing and trying to scratch pepole. Last night I herd a voice that said "the haunted chicken...you shall perish" and when I opened my eyes (I was in bed peacefully sleeping) my cat was sitting on my chest staring at me with red eyes and her fangs beaded. It's really weirded me out what should I doooo?<em>

Dear Exploading Albino Potato  
><strong>Mello's advice to you is:<strong>Get help immediately. Call the local nu-hospital and explain to them exactly what's going on. You need proffesional help. I've only heard voices talking to me once and that was one hell of a night.

**Matt's advice to you is:** I hear voices all the time that come from different things. It's really strange sometimes. I had an evil cat who showed symptoms like yours is doing. I believe he belonged to Satan and therefore was evil. However you must treat the her with respect if you do not you will perish. Make sure you leave post it notes around your home telling yourself you are not a chicken. It's essential that you remember that. I repeat YOU ARE NOT A CHICKEN. Make sure your cat is always fully fed but not too much. Give her plenty of room and treat her like an equal. She is going to protect you seeing that she believes you to be a Haunted Chicken for evil cats worship the Haunted Chicken. As long as she believes this you are safe. She will scratch people she thinks are threats. Be safe, and remember YOU ARE NOT A CHICKEN.

**Ryuzaki's advice to you is:**You should do nothing.

_Dear NR  
><em>_I have recently watched the movie Freaky Friday for the first time. The day after watching this I believe I have switched bodies with someone I know. He looks a lot like me but I feel somehow different now, I am almost certain we have switched bodies. Is there a way that I can tell for sure if we have switched bodies and if we have, how do I switch back to my own?  
><em>_B_

Dear B  
><strong>Mello's advice to you is:<strong>Try shooting him in the foot and if you feel pain you know you've switched bodies. I have never in all my life dealt with something like this. I once thought I'd switched bodies with Matt, but then I woke up. Why don't you try pinching yourself? You could walk up to someone and ask them who you are. But that might make them think you're strange. I would have to say think about it carefully and then seek medical advice.

**Matt's advice to you is:**Flipping heck I loved that damned movie! I watched it like ten times. Well duh, check in the mirror. Even if he does look a lot like you I know I'd recognise my own face. I think I would anyway. Perhaps you could try commiting a murder while posing as this person. If the victim screams your name (providing you know them) then you know you're in your own body. That isn't the best advice. I don't know. Smoke a few, chilax. Not a lot you can do really. Check up antidotes for body switching? I don't know. There was this one time, where Mello was convinced he had switched bodies with Linda but that was just a dream. Why don't you try waking up? Or just do what L says, he's usually right.

**Ryuzaki's advice to you is:**I assure you B I am deffinetly in my own body, and I can not imagine any one else who would be as unfortunate to look like you. I have no further comment to make other than to say that Freaky Friday is a piece of fictional work. Science can explain all.

_Dear NR,_  
><em>I have bad habit of wetting my bed every night. I don't care but I'm afraid that if people find out they will make fun of me more then they already do. I'm already mistaken for a girl everyday and I don't want more things for people to tease me about. I am afraid that my worst enemy is going to find out soon, what do I do?<em>  
><em>Mafiaguy<em>

Dear Mafiaguy  
><strong>Mello's advice to you is:<strong>I have that problem constantly. It always happens. The girl mistaking, not the..yeah. Why would your worst enemy find out? I have a worst enemy, he never finds anything out about me. You could go through the secretive route. Technically as long as you're nowhere near him while you're asleep you'll be fine. The plastic sheets that most matresses come in are often a big help for parents. Hiding it is certainly one way you could go. Don't let people tease you, stand up for yourself. Be yourself. More importantly don't let people get away with teasing you.

**Matt's advice to you is:**I had a friend who had that problem once.

**Ryuzaki's advice to you is:**Few children are dry at night before the age of three, and bed-wetting is quite common up to the age of eight. In most cases there's a delay in the development of the normal pathways of bladder function control within the brain and nervous system, which eventually 's a large genetic influence, and bed-wetting runs strongly in families. Other contributory factors include anxiety, stress, constipation, urinary tract infection and, occasionally, diabetes or kidney failure.

_Dear NR_  
><em>I have a really stupid problem. The other day I was reading a self-insert FF and someone had reviewed commenting on how it was breaking rules in it. In my comment I said to just ignore them, and that I'd seen the reviewer on several other fav stories but later recived a PM from that very reviewer. Now I feel guilty for saying that about them! Help, what should I do?ConfusedKitsune<em>

Dear ConfusedKitsune  
><strong>Mello's advice to you is:<strong>Shout. Scream. Kick.

**Matt's advice to you is:**Apologise. Or not. It depends, if they have sent you a message that explains what they said then you perhaps could explain what you meant. Recently Natalie River received a review of that sort, but the reviewer meant no harm. Simply to keep her out of trouble. The way this fanfiction is written seems/ed like chat script. However in Natalie River's opinion it isn't. It's set out to as an agony aunt page. But my honest advice is apologise. I keep asking Mello to but he never does.

**Ryuzaki's advice to you is:**It all depends on what the private message said. For more advice review again/private message and give us at NR more information. Without information we are useless.

_Dear NR,_  
><em>I'm hopelessly in love with this awesome hot guy, called Teru Mikami! He's the hot to my cold, the yes to my no, the white to my black, and ... Damn you Katy Perry! <em>  
><em>Cheesy song aside, you get the picture.<em>  
><em>The problem is I'm a criminal defense lawyer and he's a prosecutor with such a strong sense of justice! But damn he's hot... The way his glasses glint in the light, and the way his dark hair falls, and how he yells "Objection!" <em>  
><em>I'm so besotted, it's messing with my work. And I love my work. Unfortunately most of my (ex-)clients got offer by Kira, but hey, shit happens... Anyway, I just don't know what to do. He'll reject me for sure, and I really want to jump his bones... Er, have a long meaningful relationship with him.<em>  
><em>I think he'll help me with my issues (I have almost no conscience whatsoever, and I can hardly tell right from wrong), and I can help him let loose a little, but were both on opposite sides in court, but I looove him! Argh!<em>  
><em>Soo, can you help?<em>  
><em>NTGuilty <em>  
><em>PS: Can you help me find a Chocaholics Anonymous support group or something?<em>

Dear NTGuilty  
><strong>Mello's advice to you is:<strong>  
>Can I help? I always help. He sounds like the kind of guy who will like a domanatrix. So go for it. You both fight for justice am I right? He prosecutes for justice, you deffend in an attempt to gain justice. You're both on the same side in some sort of way. If Kira has killed most of your clients off, then you have no one to deffend. No one to deffend means you can try to catch some out of court time with Mikami. Next time he shouts "Objection!" kiss him. That might give him something to object about. Oh and sure, I go to a really nice one in LA. Except I've been skipping meetings.<p>

**Matt's advice to you is:**Tell him you love him. It worked with me and Mello. I don't really know other than that. You could attack him outside of work? On his way home. But that might not go down too well with him. You could always deffend yourself if he presses charges. Isn't he like a Kira worshipper? Why don't you go worship with him. Aren't you meant to find things you have in common? Something like that right? So like worship Kira. Or I don't know. Blackmail him maybe?

**Ryuzaki's advice to you is:**If you love your work then go to another court. This being is preventing you from working efficiently, and therefore he is restricting you. Find a new court, a new agency. Do not agree to deffend if he is prosecuting. Being a detective I have experienced difficulties in my fight for justice. There have been distractions, but you learn to work around them. If you are unable to do this then you must find a solution. Maybe you could make a suggestion for your relationship to progress. For example you could chain yourself to him for a purely justice seeking meaning.

**SyC0bEaR **would like to shout out to Matt and Mello. They are her boys, and we here at NR are very sure she is proud of them.

**Natalie River's Author's Note:**Thank You very much for your reviews! They keep me going! I'd like to say congratulations to **Tailsdoll123** who won the prize! Your prize will be published next time if you drop me a message on who your date will be and where the two of you will go. I had trouble messaging you for some reason sorry!

**What colour car was Higuchi driving when he was being chased by Aiber and Mogi? **_Hint_**- **it's not pink.

See you next time!


	9. Chapter 9

The Prize  
>"Hello. My name is Lucy and you're..Rue Ryuzaki?" She smiled at him.<p>

"Correct." He told her. He smiled, his crooked teeth shone like knives.

"That's unusual." She grinned again. "Your name that is."

"My name has deeper meaning than you could ever imagine." He murmured so quietly she could barely hear.

"So where are we going?" She asked.

"You do eat don't you?" He raised an eyebrow. "Most people do. But I have met some freaks in my time."

She blushed. "I-" Who's he to call people freaks? She thought. "Yes Rue. I eat."

"I prefer to be known as L." He informed her. "Would you like my arm?"

"Pardon?" She replied.

"There is a small cafe around the corner. We can walk there." He told her. "My arm?"

She shrugged. "Oh. Ok." She put her arm through his, and he pulled his thick coat around himself against the winter air.

"It's this way." He smiled, turning left. He leant closer to her neck, smelling her hair. "You smell delicious." He licked his lips, tasting the imaginary blood.

She bit her lip. "Thank you."

He inhaled deeply, as if she were a drug. "Oh that is simply marvelous. I must do this again some time." He pointed to a run down looking cafe, with only a handful of people inside. There was only one woman who was there alone, and she seemed to know that in there she was only something for single men to look at. There were two parents with a small girl, a couple sitting in a corner, and a few teenagers at a table by the window. He opened the door for her. "My lady." He whispered.

"Thanks." She walked through, he closed the door behind her.

"What would you like to eat?" He asked, gesturing to the menu.

"Oh..I don't mind..you order for me."

He bowed deeply. "It would be my honour." Then he kissed her hand. Licking her fingers, she shuddered. "What number is our table?" He asked.

"Oh.." She looked down at the table he'd guided her. "L."

"Number dear one. Number." He murmured.

"Oh..thirteen." She paused. "It looks like a B." She smiled. "Is it important?"

"Maybe." He told her. "Maybe."

He walked away to order, winking at her. She looked down at her outfit. She was wearing a dress because it was a Lucy. She didn't do dresses often, but she felt so weird. Now she saw all her effort was in vain, because he was wearing baggy jeans a shirt and scuffed trainers. She sighed, he hadn't even brushed his hair. She'd spent hours getting ready, doing her hair. She looked beautiful and she knew it. He came back soon after with two drinks. "Coffee?" He told her. "You do drink it right? I can-"

"It's fine." She promised. She took a sip. "Wow that's sweet!"

"Just like you.." He murmured. She felt a blush rising in her cheeks. He sat down on the seat opposite her. What he did surprised her, for he brought his knees up to his chest so that they rested under his chin. He balanced on the chair. "You look beautiful tonight." He stroked her face.

She pulled away slightly, unsure why. "Thank you." She told him. "You look..nice."

He laughed a horrible laugh. "Oh please..you flatter me."

"You sounded like a cat then!" She laughed for real.

He smiled. "We can't all laugh like humans can we?" He looked down for a second then up at her. He stared at the spot above her head for a second, then back to her face. "Our food will be along soon. But I'm rather hungry, you don't mind if I eat do you?"

She shook her pretty head. "Not at all." She promised. He pulled from one of his deep jean pockets a pot of jam. "You brought strawberry jam with you?" She mused.

"Yes." He smiled. "It's a very tasty, brand." The words rolled of his tongue. She hated the way that every word he said had such a seductive tone to it.

Their food arrived. A young waiter set down a cheese burger and chips, with salad and dressing. Then next to L he put down a plate with a single slice of cake on it. Around the cake were four lollipops, on top of the cake was poured surup and he handed L a spoon. "You can put your own jam can't you?" He asked.

L nodded. "Thank you Gary. I shall return." He winked at his Lucy. "This is Lucy, she is quite the beauty isn't she? Better than the last one. Perhaps this one will last longer." He lowered his voice. "After all I tend to break my toys quite easily don't I?"

Gary looked terrified, he nodded to Lucy and hurried away. "Wow. That's your food?" She asked an eyebrow raised. He nodded.

"I don't eat a lot these days." He paused fingering it without a fork. He poured the jam all over the top, then handed the spoon to Lucy. "Perhaps you have more of a use for it than I do." He started to dig in with his hands. "Mmmm..food."

"That's not food...that's poision."

"Oh I know the difference. Belive me."

Lucy had to turn away slightly as he devoured the sticky mess. She ate her own food, which tasted quite good actually. She stared at him. "Wow. You're like an animal eating something it's killed." She took another sip of coffee as she finished her own meal.

He looked up at her as he finished, his face covered in jam. "Oh I'm sorry!" He apologised slamming his hand into his forehead. "I didn't think! So ungentlemanly of me! What would Watari say?" He pulled a small satchet of jam from his pocked. "I always carry a spare." He pushed it towards her.

She pushed it back. "It's fine."

"I insist." He told her opening the packet, he lent forward over the table. He moved his plate out of the way.

"No it's fine."

"I insist!"

"It's fine!"

"Eat it!" He shoved the jam into her mouth with his fingers, making her eat every drop. "I'm sorry..whatever came over me?"

"It's fine." She corrected. "I think you have something on your face."

He smiled. "Feel free to touch me."

"What?"

"I meant to say..feel free to touch me innapropriately."

"What?"

"Oh come now, you're no fun!" He licked his lips. "You can lick my face clean if you like."

"I'll pass." Lucy frowned.

"Ok." He retired to the bathroom for a few moments, in fact Lucy was worried he'd done a runner and left her with the bill. When he finally returend he dropped a stack of notes on the counter before aproaching her and putting his coat around her. "It's cold around her." He saw Lucy staring at the amount of money he'd left. "Oh they tend to forget my face if I leave more than necessary. Something about human memory, you know, the usual." He led her outside.

"Thanks for the Lucy." She smiled. "I know that I won this Lucy, that it wasn't really your choice."

He shook his head. "But it was my choice." He told her. "I didn't have to be here tonight."

She frowned. "Yes you did." She said. "I won a date with Rue Ryuzaki-" She pulled a piece of paper out of her handbag. "Look it says so here."

He shook his head. "You won a date with L Lawliet." He paused.

"I know. Also known as Rue Ryuzaki right?" She asked. She frowned slightly. "What are you talking about Rue?"

He shook his head. "It doesn't matter." He told her. "When is your bus?"

She looked at her phone. "I have twenty minutes."

He put an arm around her. "It's cold isn't it?" He asked. "You are cold?"

She nodded, then stared at him. "Hell you must be even colder." She started to take off his jacket. "It's freezing, you're only wearing a shirt. I have a wool shrug on under your coat."

He shook his head. "I enjoy the cold. It makes me feel human."

"You don't feel human otherwise?" She asked looking up at him. His eyes glinted in the moonlight. There were no stars visible, it was sad, you hardly saw stars these days unless it was after being hit in the head. He shook his head. "Why's that?"

"I hurt all those I care about. Do you think that's all I'm good for? For hurting people?" He asked.

She shook her head. "Of course not. I had a good time. Even if it was kind of odd." She smiled.

He sighed again. "You're beautiful, remember that." He paused. "Do you want to know what attracted me to you?"

"What?" She asked.  
>"You look so much like a girl I used to know. She was pretty, she was clever. I miss her."<p>

"Oh." Lucy felt this coming. He missed some chick he used to date, she was just a substitute. She'd won a date he'd agreed, they'd never speak again. Just bloody great.

"She killed herself."

Lucy raised a small hand to her mouth. "Shit I'm sorry." She whispered.

He shook his head. "You didn't kill her. They did." He smiled a small smile. "I'm sorry I came here tonight. I don't think I should have. It was wrong of me." He sighed.  
>"I-I liked tonight. I'm glad you came." She said.<p>

"I've done bad things Lucy. But I don't regret any of them. As long as I punished him."

"L what are you talking about?" She demanded.

"Lucy my name isn't L. It's B. I am Beyond Birthday." She let out a little gasp, her bus pulled into the stop. "You should go." He told her.

The woman in front of her was fiddling with her purse. The bus driver stepped out. "Back in a mo'." He told them.

Lucy shook her head. "Beyond Birthday?" She asked.

B nodded, he ran a hand through his dark hair. "I'm sorry I got you involved with this."

"I'm not." She told him. "I haven't talked like this for such a long time. When I was talking to you as we ate, I realised that no one I've talked to has been like you. I haven't felt so awake."

He shook his head. "Lucy there's something you should know-I can..I can see when..I think I love you."

She let out a small little cry. "Oh..that's so fast..I don't know what to think..Beyond..It's.."

He looked as if he were about to cry. "I've been watching you for so long." He whispered. "I know everything about you. I know what you like, I know what you read, I know what brand of milk you drink." He told her. He looked around nervously. There was a distant police siren, it was coming closer. "I love you." He leaned in, and kissed her quickly on the lips. He pulled away a second later.

"I-I don't know what to say..." She whispered.

He looked behind him. A police car had pulled up, there was an officer in it, he was talking to the bus driver who was pointing at B. "I have to go!" He told her. "I have to get out of here."

He stepped toward the road, dashing across it. Lucy followed him. That's when the car hit her. In the dark she'd been hard to see, the driver hadn't seen B dart across. He'd had no chance of seeing Lucy. Her bones collided with the tar, and she let out a small cry. B turned around. "I thought I might die.." He murmured. "Well..I can never be sure.." He wiped his eyes for non existent tears. "Next time A." He told her. "I'll join you soon."

He sprinted around the buildings and away from the scene. He could see the officer had stopped to look at the corpse. B knew it was too late. He turned the corner, straight into the waiting police car. One officer had his gun out, another was talking rapidly into the radio. "We have him..."

Another police car had stopped on the other side of the street. B was trapped. "Well it was worth a shot." He laughed. He put his hands in the air. "Ok! You can take me back to the hospital! You can lock me up again..hell I think a straight jacket suits me..I mean..I am me." He gestured. "Image of perfection and all." He felt the knife on his belt. He preffered a knife to a gun. He had a lighter in his pocket, they'd probably take that away from him too. "But this time, can I keep the jam?" He asked.

* * *

><p><em>Dear NR,<em>  
><em>I've been having to deal with an annoying brother (that is obviously stronger than I am) that won't leave me alone when I'm doing my work! I've tried everything from hiding behind the corner and hitting him when he comes around, to telling him off. No matter what I do, he somehow locks me outside the house and I'm forced to climb through a two story window to get in! What can I do to stop this madness!<em>  
><em>Sincerely,<em>  
><em>KiriKatana<em>

**Dear KiriKatana,**  
>A friend of mine had exactly the same problem. In the end we solved this by breaking into the house-now we can both do it quite well. However I'm sure that this isn't possible for you. Do you have parents? If so voice this to them. Explain to them that you need to be away from him. If all fails lock him outside the house and lock the two story window that you climb through. He should get the message in the end. Or you could simply sit on the doorstep to do your work, while your locked out you are away from him. Borrowing a friend's room helps too. He can't follow you everywhere.<br>Yours truly  
>Mello<p>

_Dear NR,_  
><em>How do I tell this guy I like him? We work together and for reasons I's rather not explain are chained together. He's really hot and... well... maybe hot isn't the right word but he's definetley cute! I think I'm in love with him but I don't know how to say anything. Do you think he chained himself to me because he feels the same way or is it really just for work? How do I tell him how I feel or at least find out if he feels the same? I don't know what to do!<em>  
><em>GodOfTheNewWorld<em>

**Dear GodOfThe NewWorld,**  
>I myself am in a similar situation. I am chained to a suspect in a case I'm working on, and I too am unsure of his feelings. If you agreed to the chaining together then surely you must have a few feelings for him? Most men find hints very hard to take, even genii. You yourself would probably take a while to find out if he likes or not likes you. Therefore you must be blunt. If you find out he does not feel the same way back, then you can easily claim you were bluffing. I would simply say "You do not love me therefore the likelyhood you are Kira raises by two percent!". It's easy enough. Please remember that pausing dramatically while you choose words looks very good if we can see inside your mind, but in life this man your chained to will either find it suspcious or he will think you're over thinking.<br>Yours Honestly  
>Ryuzaki<p>

_Dear NR,_  
><em>How can you tell when someone likes you?<em>  
><em>-confusedangel<em>

**Dear confusedangel,**  
>Misa Misa usually finds when they start drooling all over you to be an obvious sign. Of course, sometimes in life you are not a supermodel babe, and men don't drool when they see you. Sometimes women drool over Misa, but Misa doesn't like that. It always depends on gender, but it's not totally reliant. Misa Misa knows that some men are douches! And some women are too! But teenagers are the worst! Catching someone looking at you, breaking the touch barrier, staring at your lips is all well and good. But sometimes that isn't enough.<br>But when you know you like that someone, you'll notice signs of your own. Try not to analyse everything that he or she does. It's 'll make you more upset if you're wrong. But when they like you and you like them, there's a chance you'll know. Be ready to bite the bullet and tell that person you like them. That is one of the easiest ways to find out if they like you. Or if you don't like them, ask them if they like you. They may well deny it, but if they say they do, be aware of their feelings. It hurts very much to like someone, who doesn't return that feeling. Misa Misa would know all about that. If you like them but they reject you, then don't threaten to kill them/become depressed. It isn't worth it, you're still young and you will find many people along the path that life takes you.  
>All Misa's Love<br>Misa Amane.

_Dear NR,_  
><em>I have a decent life- well paying job, good place to live, interesting stories to tell. There's just one simple problem- I have nobody to talk to! Since I'm the boss of my work, my colleages all look up to me. They're usually to nervous to actually talk to me in a friendly manner.<em>  
><em>I never really had friends growing up- living in an orphanage all my life didn't help matters much, and the few people who actually spoke to me usually only opened their mouths to insult me in some form or another. It's not my fault I have a freaky hair color!<em>  
><em>I digress. Do you have any tips on finding friends who won't run like scared little sheep, or glare at me for being "superior" to them? <em>  
><em>-PseudoSheep<em>

**Dear PseudoSheep,**  
>I too have a decent life. I had, until my untimely death, a good job, a home and stories that would make your hair curl if you excuse the pun. I distanced myself from the world, because as I'm sure you'll guess I lacked social skills. Most people do not enjoy conversing with me due to my sarcastic speech and lack of sympathy. I do not care about whether or not someone's eye make up 'works' or whether Yagami Kun's hair is straight or not. I never had friends either, though I have had many stalkers. Luckily I have naturally attractive hair.<br>Firstly you must change your attitude. Calling yourself superior means that you are assuming you are. Never underestimate people, it will lead to your downfall. An easy thing to do is show them that you too are human. Make small but simple mistakes. Falling off your chair is a great example, it will show them that you unlike the monster Kira is, have a soul and are therefore human. Fake compasion. Joking often helps, though when your jokes are too intelligent for your companions it does get a slight bit embarassing.  
>Find someone of near or similar intelligence to you. Then chain yourself to him. It will provide you both with hours of entertainment<br>Yours Honestly  
>Ryuzaki<p>

_Dear Mello,_  
><em>How do you get your hair to curl inward?<em>  
><em>No matter what I do, my hair insists on curling outward. It's frustrating and the only thing I've done that made it curl the way I want it is to chop most of it off! I like my hair long and don't want it to not even reach my chin!<em>  
><em>Jelous of your hair,<em>  
><em>JotS<em>

**Dear JotS,**  
>The art of getting my hair to curl inward is a secret art that must be passed on through the generations. It is an art so deadly, so secret that not even I know how it works! Matt believes that there was a satanic ceremony at my birth where they danced around a fire with me, and from that day forth my hair has curled inward. That is Matt's belief. Matt believes in a lot of things including Middle Earth. The truth is, I don't know how I succeed in getting my hair to curl inward. It just happens. Not everyone can have the salon look every day. Matt thinks I should sell my own shampoo. You know "Mello's hair curling tonic-99 cents only" kind of thing. Would you buy it? I'd make it chocolate smelling and it'd have a picture of me topless on it.<br>Misa advised me on this, because as you know, I am way to manly to own a pair of straighteners or even to know what they are. She said to curl your hair inwards straighten your hair as usual (which I don't know how to do) and instead of flicking your hair out at the end, turn it inwards. I don't know if that made sense as it didn't to me. She said not to drag the hair down with the straighteners, because you wanted a curl. Or to use curlers and turn them in. Personally these metal things look like some torture device.  
>Yours Truly<br>Mello

_Dear NR,_  
><em>My brother (he's a year older) acts like he likes me in a way he shouldn't! Oh woe is me, what should I do? I guess he can't help liking me, I'm the prettiest girl he knows, but it would be bad if we started dating and anyone found out!<em>  
><em>Can I have Misa-chan, Mello and Ryuzaki's advice on this one?<em>  
><em>Coco Loco<em>

**Dear CocoLoco**  
><strong>Misa-chan's advice to you is:<strong> Ew! That's like disgusting! Misa Misa is totally against incest. But if Light kun turned out to be her long lost brother she might bend those rules. If your the prettiest girl he knows then he needs to make friends with some other girls! He probably hasn't known many girls outside of the home and your the only young girl he knows. Introduce him to your friends. It's better he falls for them and not you!  
><strong>Mello's advice for you is:<strong> That is weird dude. Just like it's weird that everyone thinks I'm a flipping girl. Too right it would be wrong. Voice this with him. Tell him you think you both need to step away from each other for a while. Whatever you do don't let him go any further. There are laws about this kind of thing. If he won't listen then voice it with your parents! Or search fanfiction, the amount of incest stuff on here is incredibly. I'm sure you could find something.  
><strong>Ryuzaki's advice for you is:<strong> Follow Mello kun and Misa chan's advice. Inform your parents. The problems that this kind of relationship develop are incredible. A certain Light Yagami would know all about that..wouldn't he..

_Dear Matt,_  
><em>My friends introduced me to this video game called World of Warcraft and I am addicted to it now, but all my friends make fun of me for being such an otaku, but Kira knows I can pwn those n00bs. What should I do?<em>  
><em>~level85dork<em>

**Dear level85dork,  
><strong>This is a very tricky situation. Can you not think of anything but World of Warcraft? If so then you are addicted. But tell me, is that such a problem? It's not as if you're addicted to crack. It's just a video game aka the best entertainment and activity bar sex invented for the human race. Perosnally I don't see the problem. Your friends make fun of you? Ditch them not the game. But since I'm supposed to do some advice giving, and Mello won't let me leave until I do, I'd say you should take small steps. For example, say you play eight hours a day. Decrease it by a minute each week. That means you have control over yourself. Don't forget to reward yourself for reducing how long you play video games. So you can keep working on decreasing it. Hopefully after a year it should be just over seven hours which is more appropriate. This is what I did, and now I'm not addicted any more. I play for an average seven hours and reward myself by smoking when I am and when I'm not.  
>Yours<br>Matt

_Wahhh! Help! I am starting a brand new year of school, and, like everyone else, I am incredibly nervous. The big thing is that this year, I am going to be a *gulp* freshman. I just got my schedule, actually...I'm in marching band and when I asked my upperclassmen bandmates about my teachers, well... Let's just say I got quite a few 'strict' teachers. Any advice on how NOT to get tossed into a locker and survive the mounds of homework?  
><em>_Oh, Misa-chan, I didn't see you here! I want to ask you tips for becoming an idol and dating the smartest guy alive~ thanks,,_

**Dear Stormygio,**  
>High school isn't that scary! And I know you've started it now, so tell me, is it as bad as you thought it would be? We all get really, really horrible lessons. I have loads of them! Teachers that I don't like, teachers who don't like me, super strict teachers, teachers who let you run circles around them. They vary, and you never know, they might not be as bad as you think. It could be your bandmates want you to freak, it's something here in the UK a lot of us do to kids starting secondary. They tell them how horrible the teachers are, how you'll get detention for weeks if you breathe out of place. Mounds of homework is simple- get yourself a diary. They help a lot, write down the homework your teachers give you, and do it when you get home. That way it's out of the way and you don't have to worry about it. If you need help, ask for it-don't be ashamed. Not getting tossed in a locker? Bullying happens, and sometimes we can't give advice on how to stop it. But stick with your friends, they can usually help. If you are worried tell a teacher, that's what they're there for.<br>Natalie River  
>Oh Misa Misa's advice is-be blonde and pretty and super intelligent too! Just kidding, not everyone can be as brilliant as Misa Misa! One thing that you could do though, is get yourself into somewhere that intelligent guys are. Of course, not the smartest alive, because that's my Light. But maybe the second smartest. Try hard in high school- join something geeky, you'll meet cuties there. Or you could just be intelligent yourself, that's what Natalie River tries but so far she hasn't found anyone. Oops..Misa wasn't meant to tell you. Ah well! Misa has lots of guys throwing themselves at her, she doesn't know why. She'd also like to say she already has a fiance and she doesn't want to keep getting sent creepy messages. Ok?<br>All yours  
>Misa Amane<p>

_Dear NR,_  
><em>I have a sleeping walking problem. Somehow, I ended up in front of my neighbors house. And yesterday there was I stumbled into some guys apartment. I think one had redbrown hair and orange goggles and there was a blonde chick in leather. I think I interrupted some "private time" between them. Creepy shit, right? So I ran the hell out of there. So how do I stop sleepwalking? _  
><em>PinRULES<em>

**Dear PinRULES**,  
>What many sleep walkers don't know, is that it can be incredibly dangerous. Many sleep walkers trip and fall therby injuring themselves. Falls down stairs are fairy common, sleep walkers have burnt or cut themselves while trying to cook etc. Many sleep walkers have been seriously injured, and on some occasiosn they've been killed. If I am correct as to who's appartment you stumbled into, then you are lucky to be breathing. Though I do believe it was quite ignorant of Matt not to lock the door.<br>In fact I once studied a murder only to find that the murderer had committed the crime while asleep. However do not worry, depending on the situation of your case there may an easy way to solve it. This of course depends on the cause, most people can stop with the proper treatment. Life style changes can reduce or eliminate sleep walking. Self hypnosis has proved beneficial to stop people sleep walking, medical intervention may be required in some severe and dangerous cases. Nearly all sleep walkers can be helped in some way. I suggest you visist your doctor immediately. I think this is urgent, because if you do stumble upon Matt and Mello again they now have a double motive. One you interuppted one of their..private times. And two you mistook Mello for a chick in leather, which admitedly is a simple mistake to make.  
>Good Luck<br>Ryuzaki

Dear x

_Dear NR,_  
><em>My boyfriend just got a new cat. But whenever I have to take a piss, the cat(let's call him Mario for now) follows me into the restroom and my boyfriend doesn't fuckin' care. I don't wanna shoot at it, because he got attached to it. So Mario just stares at me while I pee. WTF? Yesterday, I pissed on him a little to go away but he still stayed there. A few minutes after that, my boyfriend asked me to baby-sit him. And now the jackass Mario is somewhere else. What do do?<em>  
><em>xLeatherMafiax<em>

**LeatherMafiax,**  
>Simple dude, just shoot the cat and get one that looks like it. Believe me your boyfriend won't know the difference. It's what I did when Matt got a cat and it pissed me off by tripping me up. I swear that cat had it in for me, it kept looking at me funny. Guess what, he named it Near. Seriously. I know it was all white and fluffy and cute but still. Near. Of all the names right? Well I called it a psychotic sheep cat. Matt didn't like that. If this cat gets in your way one more time, shoot it, get a look alike put a-cat's colour on b-cat. Easy. Your boyfriend won't know the difference. Easy as pie.<br>Yours  
>Mello<br>PS-But if this goes wrong don't blame me.

**Natalie River's Author's Note: **Thanks so much for your reviews! I love them! I'd like to say congratulations to...du du du du..**Jedi of the Sea**! I did the whole out of a hat thing, and your name was the one that won! Red was correct answer! To the reviewer who put "a shade of black" very clever. I did include you in the prize draw..but you didn't win. So could **Jedi of the Sea **drop me a mesage and tell me who your date will be and where you will go.

Please remember you can ask for dates with the girls of Death Note as well as the guys. Misa Amane would be a nice one, Naomi Misora, Sayu Yagami, Linda, even my OC's if you must..Takada..who'd date her?

I'm now writing requests..so go ahead and request.

Question of this chapter-**What were the two different type of criminals that L hired to help the team? **

The winner of this time will be announced the section after next. Good luck..all of your answers count..but anyone who says "Bad ones" or "the illegal kind" will probably get shot by Mello...Just kidding. Here at NR we have Mello under control.

Mello and Matt are taking time off for their Matt's grandmother's death. This is the fourth time she's died this year, and the fourth time Matt has requested time off. We are starting to suspect. In the next addition to this fanfiction the one and only Beyond Birthday will be answering your letters and questions. Please do not send jam in your reviews, they make a mess on my hard drive.

Until next time..


	10. Chapter 10

The Prize

"Light, your date is here!" Called Sochiro Yagami. He held the door wide open, glancing at the girl in ripped jeans and a hoodie. She was pretty in a tomboyish way.

"Hey Light, what happened to Misa? Didn't she threaten to-"

Light cut across his little sister with a warning cough. "Misa's been-detained." He found the right word. "So I'm free to date this young lady, your name?" He asked. Sochiro nodded, before returning to his wife's side in the living room. He ushered Sayu away from the couple.

"Sophie." She said. "And you're Light right?" She smiled.

He winked. "I go by many names, you can call me Prince Charming, you can call me My Lord. Or God if you'd like." He told her as he shut the door.

Sophie's confident expression wavered. "Urm I'm fine with Light."

"Names don't matter to me, do you mind what I call you?" He smirked.

"Urm yes."

"Can I call you beautiful?"

She blushed. "Sure."

"Ok Sophie the beautiful." He paused. "So where exactly are we going? Apart from heaven."

"The zoo?" She offered. She gestured to her outfit, then from her shoulder bag withdrew a season pass that had belonged to a friend of a friend. She waved it at him. "Is that ok?"

"Of course my darling." He led her down the steps. "We can catch a bus if you please?" He smiled.  
>She shook her head. "I've-I've heard about what happens when you go on buses."<p>

"Oh." He smiled. He held up his hands. "Believe me, the po-"

"No." She said pulling her leather jacket around herself. "It's only a ten minute walk. Right?"

He nodded. "Of course."

Ten minutes later they were outside the zoo. Waiting there, was a bubbly blonde in gothic get up. She waved as they came through the gates. "Light! You forgot to tell me you were coming here! It's lucky Misa Misa put tracking devices on all of her phones!"

"I don't have one of your phones." He frowned.

She shook her heaed. "Oh no! I forgot!" She looked at her own phone, then pointed at his shoes. "Misa Misa had you bugged!"

He looked shocked then realised he shouldn't be. "Wh-why?" He asked.  
>"Because!" She smiled at Sophie. "Oh this is the friend of yours that Sayu told me about! I phoned your house!" She put a hand to her mouth. "Are you returning her to-" She hissed as she gestured towards the zoo.<p>

"No!" Light told her.

"Oh." She turned to Sophie. "Hi I'm Misa Amane. You must be Sophie, Light's charity case. He's so good like that. Taking little unfortunate victims like you on days out."

Sophie sighed she didn't want the gothic pixie ruining their day. "I'm not a victim-"She started.  
>"Oh, well you're certainly a fashion one." She rolled her eyes. "And you need help walking? Oh that's so sweet!" She linked her arm in Light's. Light sent Sophie an apologetic look, then they contiued towards the clerk's booth. Sophie snickered as Light got more annoyed and tried to avoid strangling Misa.<p>

Misa wanted to see the Pandas first. She could hear them apparently, and smell them. She wanted to see them. She wanted to see if L looked as much like a Panda as was claimed, or was he more like a dalmation. Light had explained that dalmations didn't have dark circles or something, but Misa hadn't listened. She saw a sign that told her about bears, but the map showed they were.

Five minutes later Light was annoyed. "How the hell did I loose her?" He shouted.

"Maybe she went to the bathroom?" Sophie asked. She gestured towards the bathrooms. "Want I should check?"

He shrugged. "Good idea."

She turned towards the bathrooms. "Misa! Misa are you in there?" She called. There was no answer, after trying a few more times she gave up. "She isn't in there."

"Ugh we have to find her!" He threw his hands in the air. He looked around madly, noticing some people staring at him. He wanted to converse with himself in his mind like he usually did. But he knew she wouldn't understand that.

"Why?" Sophie asked.

"Good point." He winked. "We could leave her here, I mean, I'm sorry she ruined our date."

"There's still time." She murmured. She leaned in closer to his face, just as the screaming started.

"On seconds thoughts sod that, we have to find her!" He told her.

"Oh look! Look at the fish Light! Aren't they cute?" Asked Sophie. She ran towards the aquariums. Truth be told she had no interest in fidning Misa stupid Amane, or this date. She just wanted to go to the zoo.

Light nodded. "They're cute, just like you." He winked.

She smiled. "Can we stop to-"

"We have to find Misa." He snapped. He grabbed her hand dragging her forward. They searched the tiger cages, they searched through the fish. They looked through the reptile room, they looked in the bat caves. They even asked for the zoo manager to do a voice over. His voice echoed throughout the grouns. "Misa Amane to the service desk. Could Misa Amane come to the service desk? Thank you." But to no prevail.

"Oh damn! The zoo's closing. Where the hell is Misa?" Light demanded. "  
>"If I knew that then we wouldn't be looking would we?" Sophie asked.<p>

Light was secretly worried. He didn't want to loose his weapon. He was worried. What would he do without the woman who'd die for him? He didn't know. "She was talking about Pandas wasn't she?" He asked.

She nodded. "We should check the Pandas." She agreed. Light smiled at her and took her hand.

As they hurried towards the Pandas resovoir Light murmured into her hair softly. "I'm sorry. Can we do this sometime else?" He asked. "Can we go on another date? You won fair and square, I'm so sorry you had to do this."

She shook her head. "It's fine. You know, I kinda like wandering around a zoo looking for a super model."

He rolled his eyes. "Seriously?"

She nodded. "Uh hu. It's a challenge." She gestured towards the resovoir. "There's no Pandas there." She commented.

Light frowned. "It says that they've been moved for some reason, they're re doing it." He sighed. "Where the hell is she?"

"Why don't you phone her?" She asked.

"I tried. She didn't pick up." Just then his phone started ringing. He looked at it as he held it, the single letter L was in the middle of the screen.  
>"Who is it?" Sophie asked.<p>

"A friend." He answered answering it. "Hello?" He asked. "She what?" He almost threw the phone across the floor. "What the heck? I am so sorry Watari-I really am. Can't you send her away or something?" He paused listening to the answer. "No way! She's not my re-fine." He sighed heavily. "Is he ok? No that's not proof I'm Kira-"

Sophie was alarmed. Her eyes widened slightly she pulled her arms around herself. "What is it?" She mouthed.

He hushed there. "Hospital? Are you sure?..Something about Pandas?...I don't know..Can you tell Ryuzaki I'm sorry?..Thank you.. I'm on a date..No not with Misa!..Right..Bye.." He clicked the phone shut.  
>"Where are you going?" Sophie asked as he walked towards the exit.<p>

"Do you fancy continuing our date?" Light asked holding out a hand.

"Where are we going?" She asked as she accepted his hand.

"Oh casualty first. But I know some great places near it. How about it?"

"Sounds..interesting."

"Good. Because from here on, my life is very very interesting."

* * *

><p><em>Dear Nr,<em>

_I am a detective and am currently trying to catch a murderer. I already know who the killer is, and the truth is..I don't want to catch him...I've known him for a long time and I believe I might be in love with him. He wasn't always a psychopathic killer. My job is very important to me and if anyone finds this out I could be fired. What should I do?_

_CakeLover_

**Dear CakeLover,**

I am a psychopathic killer and have previously attempted to beat a detective. I knew who the detective was, however truth be told I didn't want him to die. Because then I wouldn't have won. Can you understand that? If I was a killer with any kind of humane atom in me I would have gone after him and killed him. But I knew that he would feel much worse if he lived to know I won. I suppose the first suggestion made would have to be along the lines of "Talk to him, calm him, correct him" at least that is what a responsible adult would say.

However I do have to point out that I've been labelled a psychopath before, and honestly I do believe that psychopath is such a horrible word that is missued often. I prefer sociopath as it is much kinder and less overused. I would also say detective is over used, because honestly, I am a detective, I just happen to be a killer too-how ironic! Let us call you an investigator, that sounds much better. So you're an investigator making a feeble attempt to catch a murderer. There are several ways you could go about your facade of trying to catch him.

You could choose an FBI agent at random and have them look for the killer while making the excuse you are in too much danger to be involved. You could phone said random FBI agent and pretend you believe in that person. You could give that person bad clues and expect them to fail. But please don't underestimate the human mind my friend, because the human mind should not be underestimated. I learnt that the hard way, the further you fly the further you have to fall. That is your first option.

Your second option is to accuse said killer of the crime, and give bad evidence therefore making all of your colleagues doubt you. This is a more dangerous path, but it could work. Your third option which is by far the most amusing is to declare your love for him, and leave the country. Why not? If you love him then your job means nothing. Join him and together rule this world. Of course you could always do the boring thing. But there you go, humans always choose the boring thing.  
>Yours Truthfuly<br>**Beyond Birthday**

_Dear Beyond 'Thesexiestkilleralive' Birthday,_

_if you are going to a date, what kind of girl do you want to be with?_

_Your biggest fan,_

_Doppelganger's D._

**Dear Doppelganger's D,**

I am honoured, I truly am. In this drear cell of mine, with its padded walls, I have only one solitued. The writings that I dictate through the microphone taped high on the wall of the room. There is only one true psychopath and that is L, who arranged this. They don't trust me with a pen for some reason, so my replies are verbal alone. I have messages every day from so many people, but I never get any visitors. I am a child of Wammy's therefore I have no family, which means no visitors. But I get messages.

Four fifths of these messages are from women who in some derranged state wish to marry me. They are attracted to me for some reason, not that I know why. I am not an attractive man, I never was. But now that they know there is no chance that I leave the walls of the prison of a hospital that L has confined me in, I see not why they wish to marry me. I will leave these grounds as a corpse and nothing more. For that I am sorry.

The other messages are from people who try to find some deep psychological meaning behind what I did. The story was told in the book Mello wrote to me about. He writes to me sometimes, I enjoy his messages. He is someone who doesn't lie to me, for he would never do that. He tells me the truth and that alone. What Mello wrote is true, I am not a derranged killer. The reasons I had were reasons enough. But your message is one I have not replied to before.

In all truth, I do not care what a girl looks like. The numbers above her head distract me. But I would like to be with a girl who is happy. A girl who lives life to the fullest, and who has high hopes for the future. I would want to date a happy girl. I suppose many would be happy if I told you I would like to date a mysterious girl with smokey eyes and cherry red lips. That is untrue. I want to date someone happy, but I won't now.

Yours Confined  
><strong>Beyond Birthday<strong>

_Dear TotallyAwesomeRedEyeDude:_  
><em>A friend has recently introduced me to fanfiction and I have found several stories with myself in them. The thing is, I feel that authors are completely misrepresenting me. I mean, come on! Commit three murders and suddenly you're a psychopathic sadist! For the record, I only killed three people, and they were going to die anyways. It's not like I want to kill every person I see! I'm not planning on commiting any more murders in the near future, okay! On another note(no pun intended), these stories also include romances between me and...a certain "friend". Seeing as we're both guys(and I kind of hate his guts-coughcough-), I find this very disturbing. And don't even get me started on the Marysues! This whole thing makes me so- UGH! Also, people have begun to make fun of my jam eating habit. What should I do?<em>  
><em>-teh jam monstah<em>

**Dear teh jam monstah,**

Why nothing of course! I have this problem often, as I'm sure you know. We sound so very similar, I am almost depressed that you are not in a similar padded cell to mine. In fact, he's installed new cameras-no wonder people suspect him of being perverted. There is honestly not much you can do. I have found some rather tasteful versions of accounts, for example "Sugar and Suicide". A wonderful fanfiction that I did agree with partly, but I do not think I was represented fairly in the end. You could make complaints, giving to the fact that you are a real person therefore fanfiction authors are not allowed to write about you.  
>I tried that but they told me I was a fictional being! If I am fictional then what are you? Fiction and reality are so mixed now, they're impossible to part. Moulded to each other like metal, it's impossible to place one from another. I suppose you could send a rather angry note, and publish it on fanfiction. In fact could you point out that I find psychopath to be an offensive term, and I don't think it holds any respect any more? Oh and please include that as a murderer I feel that society doesn't welcome me. I wish you the best of luck, and if you ever need a lawyer I'm qualified and am very good at deffence. Though my prosocution needs work.<p>

From one murderer to another  
><strong>Beyond Birthday<strong>

_Dear NR,_

_I have recently developed feelings for a very close friend of mine and she kissed me. Then a couple hours later she claims that she doesn't want to date me and she is not bi. What do I do? Misa, do you buy your clothes online, because I have been searching for clothes similar to your style._

_Confusednarcissist._

**Dear Confusednarcissist,**

It could have been the conditions you kissed-for example was it a dare? Or was she drinking? It could be she thought it was a joke, Misa Misa has kissed other girls before and not wanted to date them. You need to talk to her and it might help to tell her exactly how you feel. Believe me Natalie River knows more about this than you might think. Talking is often the best policy, so sit her down and explain to her. You'll need to otherwise it'll do your head in. Ask her why she kissed you, and what she thought she was doing.  
>On a brighter note Misa Misa is thrilled you are interested in her style! All of Misa Misa's outfits are handmade! But you can follow my style much easier! This all depends on whether it's cosplay outfits you want, or the actual styel. Many people see the similarities between Misa's clothing and Gothic Lolita. Misa Misa must say that she doesn't wear and isn't a Gothic Lolita. There are similarities between the clothing though, so you could go for their dresses. Misa wears a lot of different things, but in general you should aim to look for anything gothic. It doesn't have to be colourless though! If you're looking for my wardrobe then try for at least one tight black skirt-tight if it's short, flowing if it's long. Black tops are a must-long sleeves and short, boots that will last are easy to find-biker style is good and so are gothic ones.<p>

There are many cosplay sites online selling cosplay clothing, check out ebay for some of Misa Misa's famous outfits. In some towns there are shops with names like "Zero" and "Sparks" these can be very helpful. Also a brand Misa Misa loves and would deffinetly wear and reccomend is Hellbunny. Search it on google and believe me you'll find some good dresses, try Hellbunny and LivingDeadSouls online for good outfits. They sell dresses that are often under thirty pounds, which is a great buy for Gothic dresses. For accesories Misa Misa likes zips, pins, necklaces anything. Belts with studs are a must, and spikes- these can be got from most costume shops. For Misa Misa's necklaces cruxifixes are great. A dog collar is something good to have, and can be brought from costume shops and or if you want an actual collar from most shops.  
>For any more advisehelp please send a private message/another review.  
><strong>Misa Amane<strong>

xx

_Dear NR_  
><em>Oh Kami, I am so BORED. In fact, I find myself bored quite often nowadays. I sometimes play my video games and read, but it's so hard to find anything good. On te rare occasion I find myself studying for fun. *shivers* Frightening, isn't it? Now I get why a 'certain someone' used the Death Note...and frankly I can't really condem him for that anymore, since I understand now...Any suggestions to cure my boredom, you guys?<em>  
><em>Forever bored and unchallenged,<em>  
><em>Stormygio<em>

**Dear Stormygio,**  
>The first piece of advice would be join a club. What do you like to do? Are you musical? Seek out advice from a music teacher and join a music group. Do you like the idea of fighting? Join a martial arts group, start training, have fun. You'll make friends and have fun. Zumba dancing is another thing one might advise. The second piece of advise would be just get out of the house. Believe me, being cooped up twenty four seven isn't fun. Go for a walk, muse things over, or set up camp in a friend's house (asuming you have them). You're bound to find something.<p>

As a last resort you could start helping in the community. Doing volunteer work could benefit people, you could help out at an elderly people's home (I have done this in the past) it is worthwhile and you meet interesting people. You could help out at a club-teaching/training younger kids. You could help with a community garden, volunteer at a youth club. There are many things that you can do to cure you're boredom, you just need to find them.

But usually these thigns pass. Just make sure you don't spread yourself to thin. Choose a few things and keep some nights to yourself. You can always study, because it's free and you will get a good grade.  
>From<br>**Natalie River, Beyond Birthday and Misa Amane**

Question of this chapter-**What were the two different type of criminals that L hired to help the team? I will be asking a question and giving two chapters to answer. How does that sound?**

**Good luck and goodbye.**


	11. Chapter 11

_Dear NR,_  
><em>I have a stalker. You see, I am exceptionally good-looking, having a winning personality, and amazing hair, so I'm use to this kinda thing. Also, alot of people worship this guy, let's call him X-Kira, takes it to a WHOLE NEW LEVEL. Seriously! He follows me home, glares at my many victims-I mean, girlfriends-and refuses to leave me alone! Lurking around the grocery store when I'm shopping and glomping me while screaming "GOD!" whenever he sees me is just a few other things. I'm kinda worried he's a potential rapist...Also, X-Kira has it in his mind I'm in love with HIM, while in truth I am deeply attracted to a different black-haired man, my arch-nemisis. Who just happens to rival a baby panda's cutenes...I don't want X-Kira ruining my life(and my plans) with his creeper-ness! WHAT SHOULD I DO?<em>  
><em>-.20\\7.15.4<em>  
><em>P.S Can you figure out my name?<em>

**Dear .20\\7.15.4,**  
><strong>Touta Matsuda here. You sound incredibly lucky! I would love to have a stalker, because seriously-although people call me cute I attract literally no one. Your problem is so unique I doubt I've ever met anyone with something similar. I should totally ask Light to help me with this, because he really is nice like that. He's a hell of a nice guy. Your letter was quite confusing but I think I've figured it out. So he likes you and you don't like him, but you like a black haired man. Black hair is lovely right? Unlike my horrible brown hair.<strong>

**What you should do is get a restraining order. It's what Misa threatened me with if I didn't leave her alone for at least two hours a day. But I never thought she was in love with me. But I can understand why it might be difficult to get a restraining order. So you could tell him how you feel. That looks to be the usual answer. And urm...consult your school nurse! Yeah do that! That's usually a good step. Oh and say NO to drugs. That's another one that's helpful. Oh and remember it's not your fault it's society's. And..urm to stop him ruining your life? You could do that yourself. Or get into a relationship with someone else to show him what you feel. Or you could do a Kira! Ha you wouldn't do that! You're obviously not that kind of person.**

**Yours Innocently**  
><strong>Touta Matsuda<strong>  
><strong>PS- Is your name Kiyomi Takada? Because you are truly very adorable and I can understand people worshipping you. Good luck Kiyomi.<strong>

_Dear NR,_

_Oh. My. Kira._

_I need some serious advice on something, you guys. I have this kinda-newish story I put up a month or so back, and I'm really proud of it. I've had some of my friends read it to give me feedback, and they said it was really good. So one day, in English class, my super-duper amazing teacher was telling us at the end of class how she'd never had a student that published a story before. Oh sure, a couple of her students published a bit of poetry, but she(Let's call her Ms. R)hasn't had a pupil punish anything like that._

_So my friend(I'll call her Sayu)drags me up to Ms. R after class. Sayu proudly announces how much we love to read and that we are, in fact, both working on short stories. Long tale short, Sayu brags about my writing and says I put something up online, and Ms. R says she would love to read it. I end up sending a link, and she just read my story and reviewed. She said that she'd love to give feedback and I need to see her afterclass come Monday._

_I need to see her._

_Afterclass._

_In the history of all mankind, WHEN has that sentence EVER boded well for someone?_

_I'm freaking out over this! I've based my first chapter or so on me and my friend's personal experiences, and have no idea how Ms. R is going to react. What should I do? SOS!_

**Dear M0ki3,**

**Recently I had that problem. If you've read any of my stories, you can understand why it might be a bad idea for a teacher to read them. The main problem is did you put an author's note saying that you'd done the things in the story? If so then that is a problem. If not, it's your imagination. Unless like mine it's pornographic lemon. In which case there is need to be worried. Or if it's a collection of suicide notes. Or..well you get the point?**

**I'm so sorry that I didn't reply earlier-being a busy person I hadn't been able to update. In the future if anyone wants a response quick and on the spot please leave your PenName.**

**Yours**  
><strong>Natalie River<strong>

_Dear NR,_  
><em>There is this really clingy chick I want to get rid of without hurting her feelings or upsetting her, she doesn't take a hint and is crazy. How do I get rid of her without hurting my reputation of being nice and not hurt her feelings?<em>  
><em>IamAgod<em>

**Dear IamAgod,**  
><strong>That happens to me constantly. There's a really clingy chick who's convinced she's in love with me and contacts me. However, luckily being in a secure mental ward I am not allowed most of them to visit. This really did save me slightly. Get yourself locked away in a mental hospital, which should be quite easy for you. Tell her she can't visit. Tell her you're sorry. Accept her gifts especially if these gifts are jam. Problam solved.<strong>  
><strong>Beyond Birthday<strong>

_Dear NR,_  
><em>I feel depressed and empty. Nothing makes me happy anymore. The shallow joy I get from buying clothes is sporadic. I bought three tubes of lipgloss in two days to make myself feel good. It lasted five minutes;( I hate the school I go to. The standard is too high for me. I may be good, but not that good. I barely get by with B's and everyone I know expects A's! And it was hardwhen I was a freshman. I'll be in 9th grade this year. I'm so worried I wouldn't be able to pick up and disappoint my parents. What's the point in getting accepted in the most prestigious private school in the country if you can't keep up the pace?<em>  
><em>I like the school otherwise. For the first time I had actual friends there. And for the first I felt like I wasn't a complete loser. But I just don't have it in me to be number one in my studies. You could say I lack academic ambition. Maybe I do. My only goal is to avoid conflict with my family, and that's the main reason I go to that school.<em>  
><em>Anyway, on the 15th of September is the first day of school. What should I wear? Clothes are very important to me. When I was in my old school they made fun of me because of clothes, so now I've changed my look entirely. There's going to be games, so I probably shouldn't wear heels? Maybe a 1-2inch platform? It's more stable, I know. Should I combine the platforms with a skirt or jeans? And if jeans, than what color? Black, blue? Should they be skintight? What blouse should I wear? MYbe a low cut top? Or a low cut long sleeved shirt? Or a button up white shirt and a black vest over it? Should my hear be up or down? It's long and dark blonde, and it's usually tied, but I dunno... And what about make-up? And a hand-bag? Maybe a big faux leather dark blue handbag with shiny zippers? It goes with all mu clothes (mostly). I just really want to impress everyone present. I lost 3 pounds and tanned a little in the summer and even pierced my ears! I want to turn heads. And I want the newbie's freshmen to think I'm such a cool senior!<em>  
><em>And I want my clothes to show that I'm confident and self-assured even though I'm not. I have conflicted feelings. I want to go back to school so I wouldn't have to be home and hear random people(me included) get yelled at by mom. On the other hand, I'm afraid of the hrdships of my serious lapse in academic capability. I'm not as smart as everyone thinks! Kira, do I need to see my therapist or what? I haven't seen him all summer, probably why I feel stressed.<em>  
><em>I swear, if I had a death note, I'd be on a mad killing spree with my bestow now!<em>  
><em>xoxo<em>  
><em>Lady Avaritia<em>

**Dear Lady Avaritia,**  
><strong>It seems that your problem lies deeper than your clothes. Changing to please a crowd is hard not to do, but you really shouldn't. There will always be somebody who is in and out. When I was a child at Wammy's I was the odd one out. Of course I turned murderer, but that was an entirely different story. Natalie River is constantly ridiculed for whatever she wears, but she doesn't change. She gets ridiculed for a lot of things, and sure she cries in private but she would never let <em>them <em>have the satisfaction of seeing her tears.**

**So you're happy at school am I correct? You fit in and have friends. Everyone struggles from time to time, especially at school. It's important if you do not understand an aspect of a lesson then ask about it. You can do this after the lesson so that you're not seen doing it. Perhaps take a friend with you. Teacher's are usually happy to help. I can't advise you on clothing, as I don't truly know what you look like. Whatever you feel comfortable in is the best advise I can give. Jeans and a shirt always worked for me. Being female it might vary slightly for you.**

**In all honestly yes, this is a good time to see your therapist. They are incredibly annoying and rather patronising however they do their best to help us and perhaps one day they shall.**

**Beyond Birthday-Consulting Murderer**

_Dear Matt,_  
><em>I am the best gamer of all my friends. I can beat each one of them easily in any game. All except one. One of my friends can beat me at any video game without breaking a sweat! I keep practicing but no matter how good I get, he still beats me! He's even been claiming to be better than YOU! (But we all no thats a lie) All I want to do us beat him, just at one little game! ANYTHING! I've tried everything I can think of, any advice?<em>  
><em>ISoundLikeMello<em>

**Dear ISoundLikeMello,**  
><strong>I like the sound Mello makes when he..no I shouldn't write that. How dare he claim to be better than me? I shall challenge him! If he met Mattsomaniac on any online game, video game or computer game he would be pulvurised instantly! I swear. Except I probably shouldn't do that or Misa will shout at me. I think this is outragous! It should be illegal! It should be outlawed! It should be punishable by death in all gaming universes! My advise is choose a game he's never played. How about the Death Note video game? Think you could beat him at that? Or choose a game you know you're good at. Perhaps not even a vide game if you want to beat him at something. A trivia game, a chess game. They work. Believe me. It's what I do to annoy Near sometimes. Beat him at Chess. Seriously-I can play Chess. The albino sheep can, just not as well.<strong>

**From one gamer to another**  
><strong>Mattie xx<strong>

_Dear NR,_  
><em>I've been single for a year and 3 months and yet, I couldn't get my ex out of my head. Yes, he was my first bf, even we were just dating for 6 months and broke up because we graduated from highschool - no fighting or something like that. But I don't want to start a new relationship (campus life make me busy). Me and my ex still considered as friends and we rarely met because we are going to different uni. What should I do?<em>  
><em>Doppelganger's Doll<em>

**Dear Doppelganger's Doll,**  
><strong>I'm sorry about that! But remember hell you're still young! Remember this just means you're closer to your true love! If you really do care for someone long distance can work. But at your age it's incredibly hard. You're going to meet many people at uni, which is good. Because you don't want to be tied down when you see that hot guy walk past are you? Or when said hot guy gives you his number? You're friends, but that's all. I'm friends with one of my exes, and we love each other. Just not in the right way. I didn't actually start dating Mattie until I was nineteen. If I'd tied myself down in some relationship with a girl I left behind at Wammy's we would never have ended up together. So remember you're young and your life is ahead of you. Have fun at uni.<strong>

**Mello**

_Dear NR,_  
><em>Thanks for the advice! The problem with the clubs is Marching Band, it eats time up really fast...<em>  
><em>...om nom nom waka waka.<em>  
><em>ANYWAY, onto the real point! I'm in English Honors, and my teacher does this amazing thing every year. We collabe with another class somewhere else in the world over Skype, and my teacher was listing off the countries she has friends in and I raised my hand and said, "I have a couple of friends in other countries, would it be alright if I could see if any of them wanted to do this?" and she said that I could! :0 Super special awesome, am I right? The problem is, I need to figure out which friend wants to do that...I don't know who CAN, considering the time difference and whatnot. And if anyone even wants to. D: What should I do?<em>

**If you have any answers for Stormygio please message her!**

**Natalie River's note:** Thank you for your reviews! I'm really enjoying them! From now on you have two chapters to answer the question! The big question that could win you a date with one of Death Note's tasty men or beautiful ladies. I am willing to write for charecters such as Watari, Sochiro, and many others. If mockingjay-lawliet-paramore could please tell me who her date would be within the next week I'd be grateful.

Hope you enjoyed this addition, the question will be asked next time. If you have suggestions for questions, or answers to questions I haven't asked review and tell me. So remember, the Death Note agony aunts are open for buisness, remember-they answer every letter.  
>See you next time<p>

Natalie River.


	12. Chapter 12

Dear NR,  
>Thank you for, um, answering my problem Matsuda. I've temporarily gotten rid of X-Kira, I got that restraining order you suggested. But yet another problem in my life has arose. Do you remember the black-haired man I mentioned earlier? For some explainable reason, he's decided to leave Japan for the UK. I'm debating whether or not to ask if I can come with him, but I'm not entirely sure how to go about it. Help?<br>-()(.20)(7.15.4)  
>PS- Good guess Matsuda, but I'm not going to reveal who I am. It's all in the name I sign off with.<p>

Dear ()(.20)(7.15.4),

Why thank you! No one ever values what I have to say! You sure sound like a swell guy. You know, you kinda sound like Light. I have this friend, you wouldn't know him, he's really cool. Everyone likes him! And I mean everyone! Apart from when they're accusing him of killing people-but that's another story. He has loads of people who really like him, but I know you're not him-I mean I'm not stupid right? Why would Light need my help? But I bet you've got a cool job, not a police officer though. You'd be like a pop star! Oh my God, are you Justin Bieber! Everyone at work tells me I'm stupid for thinking he is amazing-but are you him? Oh My God! I knew they were wrong!

They kept telling me that Justin Bieber was aweful! But you're really Justin- and they mocked me telling me you'd never know my name! Ha! I am not obsessed like a screaming fan girl! I knew it! I love you Justin! You're amazing! I don't know why L and Light hate you. I mean, L even made a joke last week begging Kira to kill you! Unproffesional or what?

Oh...urm..just ask to go with him! Be all smooth..no wait! Better! Write a song. I have some lyrics..ready..wait for me to get my guitar. The song goes-

'Hey, Hey, Hey,

I love you baby,

Your hair is darker than gravy,

Your my baby

Yeah yeah yeah

Baby

Ohh' and that's all I've got so far. You could rap it! Oh My God! I can't believe Justin Bieber is writing to me! Can I be in your next album? I could sing. Or write..I have another song and it goes 'Hanging with the task force, writing in code morse, prepearing for Mogi's divorce..'

I love you Justin!

Touta Matsuda!

Dear L,  
>Hey L, I need some advice! Well, I guess that's obvious since I've sent this...But anyway! My some of my friends and family are really getting after me lately! It's because my diet mostly contains sugar and coffee and my sleeping schedule is erraticnon-existent. They say they're worried about me getting sick from all the sugar I eat, or that I'll become...large around the middle. But I've got a high metabolism and remain skinny, so I don't know why their worrying! I eat other food too, just not as much as I do sweets and such! Also, I've ALWAYS had trouble sleeping (insomniac), my parents have only just started noticing it. It annoys me to no end! You know how to get them off my back?  
>SG<p>

Dear SG,

People do tend to be sentimental towards other human beings. They always seem concerned. Simply lie, and be done with it. It's easier than actually getting better. Hide sweets, and eat sensibly in front of them. Eat the food you don't often eat in front of them so they believe you do eat reasonably. Try to avoid making a lot of noise during the night. Etc..ya da ya da ya da. Never chain yourself to an imbecile of a serial killer...I mean talented student who might discover your habits and report you to psychologists. It was really unnecessary.

Yours loyally

Ryuzaki

Dear NR,  
>I am crowded by my 'family' I need them for important things, and they are cool, but my 'cousins' are always right there. I need my alone time what do I do?<br>-supergamer101

Dear supergamer101

You need to ask for that time, make sure they know. You need the balance between never seing them and always being suffocated. Breach the subject that you're getting older and need time for yourself. Dedicate certain times to your family and cousins, and make sure you stick with it. You need to talk to your parents, guardians- or who ever's in charge. It's the only way you'll get somewhere. Once you've told them then you can start to find a solution. If you can get out and away from home for a while to escape. Is there somewhere you can go to be alone if they suffocate you at home? A friend's house, a park, a walk somewhere? Anything to get you away.

Matt

dear everyone,  
>If you can go to the past, what will you do? Will you change your unwanted past? Or saving someone's life?<br>Doppelganger's Doll

Dear Doppelganger's Doll,

Beyond Birthday here. It seems everyone knows my name anyway, why I bother to hide it I don't know! I have been kindly chosen-another torture by L, to answer your question. Mello, I remember him as a small blonde-apparently quite tall now- would go back in time and prevent his parents death. I would tell him that he can't do that, they were due to die, but he wouldn't listen. Matt would go to the past, and would apparently re-invent a better video game that the ones existing. He has some idea that he would rename all companies as "Matties" and instead of a 'gameboy' you would have a 'gameMatt' you would have a 'MattDS' and a "Mattconsole'. He is rather obsessed.

L, apparently does not believe in time travel and therefore refused to answer the question due to the fact it can not be logically answered. Near, the small albino that Mello mentions when he writes, claims to not want to change anything. Speaking for A I think he would have prevented the existence of Wammy's house. For myself? I would never have been born. Then I wouldn't have to suffer the presence of the idiotic blonde who calls herself Misa Amane! How does Kira stand her? I don't know. She, and I quote would 'Make Misa the most famous person alive' then giggled. Then when she was asked again she became graver, and said she would have stopper her parents being home when the house was burgled. She would have forced her family to leave, to do anything but be there.

I hope this answers your question, Light Yagami aka Kira refused to answer on the basis that L hadn't answered. Funny how people's minds work.

Yours-

B

Dear NR,  
>There's this cute boy in my class who's totally into me, but I think he may be Kira. I wanna ask him out, but I'm pro-L! If he's Kira, I don't want him to kill me, but I don't want to report him to the police because he's just that cute! I'm so screwed, but I want to ask him out! Urg!<br>-Loved But Lost

Dear Loved But Lost,

Here's your checklist for Kira. Does he have great hair? Is he the most perfect guy in the world? Does he have good teeth? When he kisses you does his tongue snake between your teeth and lick the back of your throat? Does he always wear suits? Is he cute? Is he sexy? Is he intelligent? Hon I doubt he's all of them. And if he was Kira, I mean why would you report him to the police? Kira is God. For even considering reporting him you should be killed. You must remember, those who are faithful won't get killed when it comes to the final stand. I mean, would Kira kill me? No. Would Kira kill his spokesperson Takada? (Even though I hate her?) No. So come now, would he kill you if you were faithful? No. Kira is justice.

And who ever this cute boy is, he ain't Kira! Kira would never date you! So keep your hands off him! Don't worry about L he's not competition! Kira is mine! Stay away from him, or you'll be worrying about the second Kira. Oh yeah, the Second Kira went there.

Yours  
>The Second Kira (Who is most deffinetly most certainly not Misa Amane!)<p>

Dear Matt,  
>Thanks for the advice and you are completely right that it should be illegal! I know you would pwn him at any video game! But he doesn't care if I beat him at chess or trivia! I can do that any day! He just shrugs it off and doesn't react at all! And he beats me at any video game, even if he's never played it. You got any other ideas? How did you get so good! How did you get to be the number one best gamer in the world!<br>Oh, and I'd just like to add, you're also hotter than him ;)  
>You are my hero<br>Love, ISoundLikeMello  
>Dear, ISoundLikeMello,<p>

I practiced. And hacked. And cheated. Life's not fair so cheat. And thanks for the compliment. But if he doesn't react, then don't react when he beats you at it. Try something physical then. Something like fighting. Train hard, and beat him. But seriously think about the Death Note video game, if you're as intelligent as I am you can speak Japanese. It's meant to be good. And yeah, hell yeah I'm hotter than him. So are you. So are you ISoundLikeMello. I wish I could sound like Mello. Mello sound's sexy. Maybe me and you should hook up someday you Mellosoundalike, you might give me a run for my money.

Yours smexily

Mattie.  
>Dear Mello,<br>I have have been told that I have anger management issues. I don't think this is true! I mean, It's their fault for making me angry in the first place right? If they hadn't irritated me than maybe I wouldn't have punched them!  
>It's not my fault! But now they want to put me in therapy or something to control my anger! I don't want to go! There is no way in hell they are getting me to see a therapist! How do I make them believe me when I say I don't have anger management problems? Should I threaten them? Do you think they might reconsider if I took out my gun?<br>Don'tNeedTherapy  
>Dear Don'tNeedTherapay,<p>

The answer, is no. I don't know why, but they tend to get pissed. I mean seriously? Why? There the ones who need, well who need to actually get a proper job and not sit there pretending to know what they're doing! I mean jeez. Ok. So you act. Alright when you have a temptation to start fighting, you take twenty deep breaths and by then the person should have got out of the way. If they're still there it's their own fault.

Oh and get a good lawyer.

Yours

Mello.

Post Script: Keep your gun ready though, just incase. But try not to use it too often.

The Prize-

"Two tickets to see Monster Movie Three." Mello looked at Quinn expectantly. "Well? Where's your contribution?"

Quinn sighed. She'd been with him only twenty minutes. He already looked like he wanted to escape. "I only have a twenty. Can I-?"

He snatched it from her hand, scratching one of the nails she'd carefully painted for the date. "Thanks." He paid using her money and deposited the change in her outstretched hand.

She pocketed it and took her ticked before heading towards the enterance. "You know that movie's crap right?" She asked.

He nodded as he handed his ticked to the collecter. She copied, the man scanned them before nodding and handing them back. "Here's your ticked Ma'am."

Quin stiffled a laugh as the tickets were returned and Mello gritted his teeth. She balanced the popcorn he was making her carry as they walked towards the screens. There were three, which was more than there were where she came from. Mello headed toward screen one. "Mello! It's screen two we're in!"

Mello shook his head. "Cheaper to buy one for that. They're showing a film called "Change the world" or something." He looked at her like she was thick. "Come on!" He grabbed her hand as he led them into the screening where the film had just started. The lights had gone down. "And we miss the ads." He hissed as they made their way in front of all the watching people. Some people muttered in disgust, Mello ignored them.

They found their seats. Quin settled down to watch the movie, if she'd paid for it she was at least going to watch it. Then, making a loud crunching noise Mello withdrew a bar of chocolate from one pocket. "Shh.." Quinn murmured.

Mello nodded, then from another pocket he withdrew a bottle. From the expanding leather pockets came three chocolate bars, a bottle of rum, a sandwhich, a burger and some sweets. And a gun. Why the hell would he need a gun in a cinema? But apparently he did. "Protection." He whispered.

The people behind them were starting to get a little concerned. "Shh.." Quinn repeated.

Five minutes passed before he started again. He was laughing. And pointing at the screen. Why? Quinn didn't care. She just wanted him to shut up. "Oh come on! That bullet was like from a 38 and that gun clearly isn't!" He rolled his eyes. "Is this guy thick?"

Quinn shook her head before hissing in his ear. "Not everyone knows their guns like you do Mello." She could be at home right now, with her cat. It'd be better than hanging out with this jerk.

"Will you be quiet?" The brunette in the back row called.

Mello half stood. "You're the one making the racket hon." He rolled his eyes before sitting down. "Some people." Before flicking a piece of blonde hair from his eye and regarding the film once more.

Quinn settled back in her seat to watch the film. It was only five minutes before Mello was poking her in the knee. She ignored him. He poked her again. She ignored him. Then he did something disgusting. His arm snaked around her shoulder, and with a quick flick of his tongue her ear was nibbled and licked. She almost shrieked as she pulled away. Luckily she didn't. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" She demanded.

"Oh.." He whispered. "I.." He pulled out his mobile.

Quinn's attention had focused for a few moments on the film. She restored it to him. "You're not meant to have your mobile on!"

"Rules are made to be broken." He scanned through the phone then selected a text. He held out the white screen for her to read. She could feel the eyes of the people behind them boring into her neck. She could almost hear the murmurs of disgust. She focused on the screen ignoring them and the screams from the movie. The text on the screen said _kid. to movie. etc. movie. see kid again. _

"I'm not a kid!" She hissed back at him.

"You've got to be like, twelve." He eyed her, hair, clothes, makeup. "Or at least you look it."

Her cheeks flushed. "I'm legal!" She replied in a whisper.

He laughed. "Course." He winked. "With the body of a twelve year old boy, sure."

She held her breath and counted to twenty before returning to the movie. She'd paid for it. She was getting her money's worth. She watched in mild interest as the detective leading the investigation refused help from the FBI. She supposed it would be a good movie, if she was watching it at home with friends. Not in a cinema in the middle of absolutely nowhere with an idiot who thought the world revolved around him. She resisted from slapping him as his phone started to buzz. He rolled his eyes before answering. "Hey Matt...No I'm not busy... What? Yes I'm with that chick? Quincy..or Quinny..or Kyla for all I care!...Can I not come home now? Why not..." A woman behind him tapped his shoulder.

"Turn your phone off!" She whispered in a hissing growl. Her glasses were poked right onto her nose, she looked like a peacock.

"Good Lord some people are rude!" He spoke into the phone. "Aw..but I want to...Never mind..Fine.." He rolled his eyes. He'd barely placed his phone in his pocket when it started to buzz again, vibrating against his skin. He ignored it.

"Shouldn't you get that?" Quinn asked.

He shook his head. Quinn noticed that he was good looking, even if he could be completely ignorant and vain. She felt like giving him a slap. "Duh..you're not meant to have a phone on in a cinema." He looked at her as if she were thick. Then, he shushed her. "Oh this is the good bit!" He cried loudly.

"Can you please be quiet?" Demanded a man in the back row. His stubble was thickening and his hair was greying. He wore dark glasses, in the dark. Quinn wandered why. It was better than thinking about the date. Why had she even come?

Mello turned around. "Are you having a go?" He demanded. The man sat down. "God some people!" He sighed.

Quinn let out a tiny sigh, and ate a little popcorn. Suddenly from nowhere Mello's hand had knocked it over as he shotued at the screen. "What the hell?" She almost screamed but kept in a furious whisper.

Popcorn stuck to her hair, to her shoes, to her top. She felt sticky and disgusting. Sinking into the chair she hid her eyes as the bad guy started to attack the good guy. If she could concentrate the detective on screen might have been attractive. Mello was practically jumping up and down in his chair. "That was me!" He hissed into her ear, his nose milimeters from her ear.

"What?"

"That was me." He booed as the detective raced away from the crime scene. "Honestly! Have you ever seen a guy with a gun like that?" He asked her loudly. "Oh boo! Come on! Can't you see him? I mean-" he ran a hand over his forehead as his gestures grew wild. "Oh will you lot behind me stop crunching so loudly? I should be at work you know! Oh my god! That was the murderer! Isn't it obvious? I mean the way he.."

"Oh Shut Up!" She screeched as she started to stand.

Moments later there was a security guard standing next to them. Her voice was deep and gravely. "Excuse me, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

Mello rolled his eyes as they were escorted from the cinema. "Look what you did!" He hissed at her as they made their way into the bright of day. "You got us kicked out!"

"I got us kicked out?" She asked. "Me? I got us kicked out? Really? You're blaming this on me? And to think I thought you were hot!"

He glared at her as he scraped his leather boots on the floor. "Yeah. Well I'm not happy either. I could be so many other places than with a stuck up little kid who paid for a date with me." He grit his teeth. "I'm tired of kids like you. To think I thought you might be different! I never even wanted to go to the cinema in the first place!"

"You didn't?" She squinted.

"No." His curt reply.

"Why didn't you say so?" She asked gentley.

"I..oh jeez.." he ran a hand through his hair.

"Well I'm tired. You've acted like a jerk from the start. Ok? It's obvious you didn't want to be here!"

"Don't take it personally." He rolled his eyes.

"Oh just piss off!"

Suddenly his frown turned to a smile. "You've passed the test! You are confident enough to date me."

She gave him a look of disbelief. "Seriously? Oh just get lost!" She started to walk away.

"That's the second test!" He called after her.

"Too late!"

"Call me!"

**Natalie River's note:** Thanks for reading! On that happy note I end this addition! I do answer every review-personally in a private message or in the actual fiction. So have fun reading and keep writing! I live off your reviews, and it makes me so happy that you all love this fanfiction! Having recently been told it was 'crap' by a friend who didn't realise it was mine, I enjoy the comfort that you all review-meaning it must be of some value!

I am not responsible for any Misa Amane bashing done by any of the other Death Note Agony Aunts, nor any Justin Bieber supporting or dissing. I hope you enjoyed reading. Until next time..a question to start you thinking..This is a question that there is no correct or incorrect answer to. But it's an opinion, and I will draw from everyone who answers.

**Was what Light did right or wrong? Why do you think that?**

As this is such an open question, debating the whole right/wrong non existence I will leave it open for a while and will be writing up dates for as many answers as possible!


	13. Chapter 13

_Dear Matt,_

_Thank you so much! It worked! I see why you're third smartest in the world! By the way, I told him that you thought you were hotter than him. He said you could keep believing that but he knows you fantasize about him in the shower. Just thought you might want to know about that but are you serious? You want to hook up with me? Anytime! You name it I'll be there! Also, I have a new problem. I have become addicted to RPGing. I don't have a problem with the fact that I'm addicted to it, but I have a problem with the fact that my family has a problem with the fact that I'm addicted to RPGing. I do it ALL THE TIME, so how do I get them off my back about it? Can't they just let me RP in peace? _

_Love, ISoundLikeMello_

Dear ISoundLikeMello,

I knew it'd work. Hell when hasn't a plan of mine worked? If a plan goes wrong it belongs to Mello. If it's right it's mine. So any kidnapping plans are usually Mello's, unless they go right. Now with the RPGing, you might want to lay off for your family. I mean Mello is at me all the time for gaming. He comes up with the worst reasons not to game. But I let him think he's won and then I game in secret. You could do that, lay off the RPGing for a while and do it with your friends- because they understand you!

Tell this friend I only fantasize about two people in the shower. And neither of them is him. Those two people would be Draco Malfoy and Mello. So he can b.a.c.k off! If he wants to fantasize about me that's fine. And hooking up? Any time anywhere! Just not on Tuesdays. That's Mello's day. Or Saturdays. Or Wednesdays. So you have Mondays, Thursdays and Sundays? That fair? You can have me three days a week all to yourself. Mello can have three days a week and then the three of us could be together for Friday?

Matt

_Dear NR,_  
><em>Am I insane? When I get bored I make up these people, like they are real. After awhile I can't tell who is a real person in my life and who is made up! My friends think I'm insane because Ike talking to fake people thinking they are real! What do I do?<em>  
><em>-AmIInsane?<em>

Dear AmIInsane?,

A lot of people have friends that are part of our imagination. Not like little kids, but realistic. Little kids get away with it due to the fact they can't tell the difference between reality and fantasy. But the older you get the more you get criticized for it, and it gets seen as hearing voices not playing. It is a problem that you can't tell the difference between real people and imaginary but while you're controlling the imaginary person it's stable enough. I often mix characters in my mind with real people, however if it is becoming a problem you need to consider talking with someone. Someone you trust, and someone you're comfortable talking with. For me it would be Watari. For you it could be a parent, guardian or teacher perhaps? Watari is all of those for me.

Mello

_Dear NR,_  
><em>I love your fanfiction and to awnser your latest question,No Light was wrong in killing all those people. For one they got off to easy dying of heart attacks instead of rotting in a deep dark hole somewhere and light was trying to make himself look like a god when infact he was just another mudering scumbag like the people he was killing and to top it off he mudered innocent people for his own cause when he said he wanted to make the world a better place i mean what good is a world run by fear,hate and murder? It may seem good to kill the people who have hurt or killed others but in the end you have just sloped to there this was my fist review. Keep up the good work NR.<em>  
><em>From MD<em>

Dear MD,

Here at NR we thank you for your review! I agree completely with your points. I am no angel, but it's understandable to kill for money or revenge. Maybe Light was trying to make himself feel better? Yes, where is the justice in a world led by fear? By the way, Misa's screaming that her Light isn't a scumbag. But no one listens to her any more.

Matt

_Dear Misa,_  
><em>I need fashion tips from you. But... Uh, I'm not thin or something. My body's kinda... chubby and curvy, with wide hips, while my height is the same as yours. I'm tired wearing jeans and t-shirts everyday, so can you give me advice of what i can wear without embarassing my body?<em>  
><em>Thank you!<em>  
><em>-IEatVegetables<em>

Dear IEatVegetables!

Misa Misa here! There's always something you can wear, no matter what your body shape! It's hard to tell what exactly should suit you when I don't know your full body shape. But I mean, you wouldn't want to post pictures over the internet would you? Who knows what kind of pervets lay reading these things! (AKA Ryuzaki...) Well Misa Misa knows it's mega boring to wear jeans and t-shirts every day! But remember- only wear what you're comfortable in! Misa can wear heels all day, but not everyone can! Do you want to minimize your hips or use them as assets?

To make your hips look smaller try wearing something that has chunky straps at the shoulders- or sleeves- it'll proportion your hips better, and by making your shoulders look wider it'll emphasize your curves without going OTT. For a curvy girl Misa wouldn't recommend anything strapless unless you're quite petite on top, it doesn't look good and it would probably make you feel self conscious!

If you want to get a Gothic look then floor length skirts are always good- or high waisted skirts. These are often pencil skirts and are great for boosting what you have and hiding stomachs that you don't want. You could probably go for any lenghth pencil skirt, but please try not to make it too trashy! Misa can't stand when girls go too trashy!

Remember that baggy clothing won't hide your curves or your shape it'll just make them more noticable- or worse- you might end up looking much heavier than you are. Baggy clothing is comfortable but you need a change. To vary your every day try skinny jeans, and balance with baggy t-shirts. Try heels to make your legs look longer if you want to. High waisted shorts will also flatten your stomach- this usually works.

Good luck- remember it's up to you in the end

Misa Amane!

_Dear NR,_  
><em>I'm incredibly intelligent. That's not my problem. The problem is that I lack the ambition to utilize that intelligence. You probably remember how I bitched about my brother being smarter than me? Well, he's not. I'm just too lazy to show my smarts off. I'd rather read some steamy vampire novels than revise for quizzes. I don't care whether I get 30 or 100 percent. That worries me. I need your opinion! How do I still some semblance of caring in myself? I would like L, Light, Near and Mello to help me that issue.<em>  
><em>Another problem I have is that apparently I am trying to emotionally destroy myself by ruining all my friendships. Got any opinions on that?<em>

_x_  
><em>Lady Avarice<em>  
><em>PS. Misa, do yu know anything about the fashion trends this season. Something in the slutty style, perhaps?<em>

Dear Lady Avarice,

This is Mello writing. This is a problem that Matt had often at Wammy's. He was third, without even trying. He would score ten marks below me, without revising, and I would have revised for hours prior to the exam. He would prefer to play some stupid game than to actually try. If he tried he would have given Near a run for his money. Perhaps you need to start thinking of the future? What do you want to be? Is there a subject that helps you get there? Do you want to go to a good Uni/College? Do you want to go to Oxford? Or do you want to become the best singer on the planet? Start concentrating on that subject, and slowly work your way from there.

Mello

**Dear Miss Avaraice,**

**I can not picture myself in a similar situation. Address the reasons why you don't care and from there you must work forward. Think of reasons you want to 'show your smarts off'. For example- I want to become a godlike character. Think of someone you'd like to impress. Most teenagers have a girl or boy of some sort they want to impress don't they? Or simply fake it. Faking is easier than most things don't you think so? If you get straight A's now, and act like you care, when you do something dreadful no one's willing to believe it's you.**

**Light Yagami**

Dear Miss Avaraice,

Set yourself a challenge and achieve it. I am N. I will succeed L. I will become greatness. I will become the world's greatest detective. I will defeat Kira.

N

**Dear Lady Avaraice,**

**Every thought has been already worded. I have no advice to give, simply to confirm what's been said. Balance your time wisely, set yourself time to revise and force yourself into it. Force yourself into routine and it will become routine. View the benefits of doing well in tests and strive to do well. You need a reason so find one. A word on destroying your friendships though- it's something many people do, but you don't tell us why you do it. Do you fear getting close to others? Or do you simply do it for reasons unknown? Look at your friendships and point out all the posotives from them. Think of ever way you benefit with these friendships, and make sure you value them.**

**For more advice feel free to private message Natalie River in regards to your review.**

**Yours**

**Ryuzaki**

Dear Lady Avaraice,

Oh My Kira! How could you think Misa Misa wears slutty clothing! You are no lady! Misa Misa is a lady! Misa Misa only wears tasteful, and non revealing clothing in an appropriate manner! But she can tell you lots on trends this season! One trend that Misa Misa spotted is in nail art. When painting your finger nails paint all in a similar shade apart from your ring finger. Paint that in the darkest shade of the colour you're using! Another trend is scarves and gloves- make sure they're funky but warm and practical! Oh and pvc miniskirts are always in! Always!

Misa Amane!

**Natalie River's note:** The question from the last chapter still stands! However a note; please remember that if you're not logged in then leave the name of the character you'd like to date, the name I should use for you, and the place you'd like to go! It'd be helpful if you did this even if you were logged in!

Your answers kept me truly entertained, I loved hearing the different opinions. The winner of that chapter was "**Maya Dark**" so please message me as soon as possible! If you answered the question in a review for the last chapter there's no need to answer it again, as you will be included in the draw anyway.

Please leave a review, and I hope you enjoyed this addition to Aunty Agony!


	14. Chapter 14

Dear NR  
>I have this 'friend' named C and this guy that I like named E. Well C likes E like me and she constantly refers to it as a competition. Now our school is holding auditions to a play and I signed up to play a semi-important character and my friend told me she's auditioning for the same part. I'm starting to hate her, what do I do for the sake of my other friends and my sanity? I've been in the same situation years before and I took the selfless route and ended up friend-less and broken hearted. Please help!<br>By the way I like your story! XD

BxBxL

Dear BxBxL,

Talking to her is the first thing to do! Think: logic. First rule of a fight- avoid it at all cost. Second rule of a fight- win. She sounds like she's insecure, so remember that. It's really hard to be the better person but sometimes it's necessary. I have to do it constantly with Near (twit). For your sanity, ignore her petty threats as much as you can. If you don't get the part, then try not to act to jealous. And don't get yourself blown up (like I did). Near got to be L, and I got to be the best dresser who died like a dog. Remember, she's going through a weird patch, she's insecure and she's being a bit insensitve. Don't blame everything on her though- think of how she sees it with you.

For more advice send a pm or write another review

Mello

Dear NR,  
>I have an absolutely amazing boyfriend. The problem is, it still hurts when I see my ex holding handswriting cheesy love notes to the girl he dumped me for. How can I get over him? (Preferably in a legal way, Beyond.)  
>-Paramore<p>

Dear Paramore,

Well legal puts all my ideas out then doesn't it! Honestly, if you're going to do something do it right! But legal, well that's just boring. Amane muttured something about writing and notebook.. but I may be a genius, I'm not a miracle worker! I can't make Amane make sense. Well, he dumped you, and that usually points to a problem. It belongs to him. He dumped you, but he still holds you. Similar to the way L left me, (plutonic). He was my idol, yet he did not chose me to succeed me, and expected me to still be there when he needed me. I proved him wrong did I not? He created me to fail, yet was so self rightious he thought he could have me when he wanted, when he needed.

It will hurt, but that's part of moving on. Remember you don't need him any more. Not while he's with her anyway. There may be time for second chances, but not now. Try to concentrate on everything that's to do with your boyfriend. Think of how lucky you are and how great he is. Remember, unlike me your fate isn't sealed. You have many oppertunities. If this relationship doesn't work out, then that's bad. But the world doesn't end there for you. Your life will continue, on and on and on. You have many chances for another guy, and in the end you'll find the right one.

I did get something from Amane though. She says treat men like shoes. I asked did that mean she worshiped shoes and liked to polish men. She giggled. I'm not sure what that meant. But really, if you buy the first pair of shoes you like, what happens when you find a better pair? So your first boyfriend was an ok pair, then he broke, and you find another pair. This might be the one for you, but if he's not, then please don't see it as the end.

Advice on how to get over it? You are beautiful remember that. Don't make everything into a competiton between him and you. Trying to prove which relationship is better, it's not fair on you or your boyfriend. Focus on your happy things. Take yourself to a happy place when you see him. Picture the stream running over your hands as you hold his head under the water... wait that's not legal. Know that you are the better person, because it sounds like he's showing off a bit. He may realise he dumped the wrong girl, but that's his fault.

Beyond Birthday

With help from Misa Amane

Dear NR,  
>I would like to remark on how much I like your work. The advice you give is truly helpful.<br>Oh, Misa! Do not misunderstand me! I, by no means, think you're slut. I just figured, that you, being the classy lady that you are, are aware of the tendencies worn by those lower in class and beauty then you, so you can properly avoid them.  
>Light, Just give it up, bitch! I will raise to become the God(des) of a new, better world! Better for ME! Also, I ALREADY get away with the dreadful things I do. I can fake it, quite well, thank you very much. It's academic success I can't seem to maintain.<br>Near, I kind of begin to share Mello's opinion on you.  
>Mello, and Ryuzaki - You guys really did give me some actually helpful tips.<br>BB, please answer this question truthfully - In your quest to prove your superiority to L (and you are superior to him!) did you ever attempt to beat him at sports? Did you ever attempt sports? Were you good at it?  
>I swear, the only thing that comes to mind when I see a softball bat, is bludgeoning the heads of my teammates AND the PE teacher for making me suffer through the public humiliation! How do I deal with that? my locker is big enought to hide a human body in! But I don't want to waste my well-crafted murder plans on those insignificant lowlifes!<br>x  
>Lady Avarice<p>

Dear Lady Avarice,

Why thank you! Misa Misa knows she is no slut! But to think you called Misa one! Misa can totally describe a slut. My Light totally dated one! Her name was Yuri! She had the most horrible hair! And guess what.. she thought Light loved her! Misa can't see how someone could be so stupid as to see love where there obviously like isn't!

Misa liked you! But no way are you rising against my Light! If you just sent Misa a picture she could write your name in the death note before you even understood what you'd done! You are not the goddes of a new world! Misa is! Light promised her! Light never lies to anyone! Especially Misa!

Misa Amane

Dear Lady Avarice,

What is Mello's opinion of me? I have never heard it. He seems to think I am (and I quote) "A complete ignorant twit" and then he used a word so offensive I can barely think it let alone put it in writing. It began with.. a t. The likely hood that you agree with his opinion completely is around 76% but possibly slightly higher.

Oh and I do really have better things to do than answer letters from people who insult me! Please ignore me while I find my robot and get L to sign it.

Near

Dear Lady Avarice,

I know I am very, very superior to L. However, sports? Do you really think I'd sink that low? To be covered in my own sweat, my own skin swimming with bodily fluids? Is that what I would do? I don't desire that. The only time I want my skin to be covered in sweat is when I'm in bed. And I'm pretty sure I beat L at that. With the human body, why not put the body in a first year's locker. Then it would fall out on them causing double the entertainment. On second thoughts don't do that. It would mean a lot of mess for some poor, poor cleaner to clean up.

I'd say put up with it and plan your revolution slowly. Use your well crafted murder plans carefully, because you will only get one chance at it.

BB

Dear Misa,  
>Hey it's me again. You know the boy who I think to be Kira (still not giving up that belief)? Well, I talk about him to my friend and now she's determined to prove I have fallen head-over-heels in love with him. I need two questions answered:<br>1. How do I get my friends off my back?  
>2. What do I say to him because I think I might actually like him!<br>Your truely,  
>Loved But Lost<p>

Dear Loved But Lost,

1) Your first mistake was telling your friend. It's what good friends do. Friends will be nice, and giggle and blush. Good friends won't ever leave you alone. To stop her from bugging you too much, you can just ignore her. It will be hard, but Misa has had to do it before. Play it cool, like Misa did with Light. Act as if she's insane, but don't say outright that you don't like him. All "Yeah of course!" and giggle. Or "We all know you're jealous" and wink. It's sweet and laughable. Making a joke of yourself means that everyone's laughing with you not against you. She'll grow bored in the end. Make sure you get her back one day though!

2)Act normal, if he likes you, then it's for you. Do no pretend to be someone you're not. Misa Misa would never be all fake like those girls you see on tv. Misa is honest, and honesty gets her everywhere. Be your natural flirty self. If you're not good at flirting then don't try it, but add a little laugh here, a little joke here. Make a little effort around him, but make sure you dress to impress yourself. Misa Misa never wears anything she's not comfortable in, don't force yourself into something you're not, but do experiment. Never force yourself to talk in a way you don't normally.

Misa Amane

Misa Misa!

THE PRIZE

Maya looked up at the white haired boy who aproached her. "Why are you wearing pjs?" was the first question she asked. She shook her head, why on earth had she just said that? Play it cool she told herself. Cool. "I'm sorry," she extended a hand "I'm Maya."

He nibbled his thumb nail, and eyed her from beneath his fringe. His eyes focused on the hand, each nail was brightly painted. The elderly man behind him smiled at Maya. "Thank you Maya." He said gentley. "His name is Near, he's not... well I'll let you find out. Thank you for agreeing to baby sit-"

"What?" Maya stared. "I thought he was seventeen. And this is a date-"

Roger sighed. "Well yes.." he turned to Near. "Have fun with Maya. She's your new friend." Roger hurried away.

Near rolled his eyes at the man before turning to the girl. "You do realise I have better things to do than this." He paused eyeing her. "Well get on with it then."

Her eyes scanned him, he was kind of cute. In a weird, boyish way. Did he expect her to jump up and down and perform tricks like a performing monkey? From the way he was looking at her he did. "Shall we go in?"

He nodded. Then stood watching her for a moment. Finally she gave up waiting and began to walk away from him towards the bench where two golf clubs lay. After three whole minutes of silence (and Near had been counting) Maya spoke. "So.." she eyed the first hole. It was a giant lollypop, that you had to hit the ball in a spiral to the centre. "This crazy golf course really belongs to you?"

Near nodded, bored. "Yes. The likely hood of my death if I went to a public place is too high."

Maya forced a smile. So much for cheery conversation. "Who'd want to kill you?"

Near frowned. "Many people. Including the new kira. The likely hood of you being the new Kira is just under 0.002%."

"Oh really?" Maya tried to sound interested. She watched the boy kneel, bringing one knee up to his chest as he did. He stared at the hole, then holding his golf club awkwardly he gave a tiny flick, sending the ball spinning out of control, shooting towards the hole. It hit straight away.

"Time to move on!" Near told her.

The next hole was covered by a large house. You had to hit the ball directly into the door for it to go through. "Is this somewhere you lived?" Maya tried again.

Near nodded but said nothing. He watched her for a second, before hitting the ball. It bounced off one of the windows and hit Maya in the leg, she jumped back wincing. "Oh."

Maya snarled her teeth together, but said nothing. She was glad her jeans were thick. This was proving to be quite boring. "My turn?" she asked. This time she got it in two.

Their next hole had a moving car in front of it. "Past the car, through the police men and onto the notebook's pages?" asked Near. "It looks like it." He crinkled his forehead in deep concentration, his back still bent.

Maya noticed that he looked tired, perhaps she should tell his 'minder' that the boy needed more sleep. Wait what was she thinking? This was meant to be a date. Near managed to get the ball past the moving car, but he didn't manage to get it into the notebook's centre. "What does the notebook represent?" Maya enquired.

Near shrugged yawning. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you. The likelyhood that you do believe me is only 23%."

Maya rolled her eyes. "Tell me."

Leaning closer Near lowered his voice. "It's a notebook of death."

Maya had to fake a cough to hide the splutter of laughter that emitted from her mouth. "Seriously?"

Managing a half smile Near shook his head. "Of course not. It represents everyone that I have lost."

Realisation suddenly hit her. "Shit. You're- you're L aren't you? The one who defeated Kira!"

Near shook his head once more. "I'm not L. I once thought I was, but I was wrong."

She paused, her eyes scanning his body. His frail frame looked snapable, as if he would break if she touched him. She thought she could hear his throat forming a sob, but she might have been wrong. "Did you ever found out how Kira killed?"

The likely hood of Nate River finding a girl who knew he was L and didn't ask about Kira was 4%. The likely hood of him finding a girl who didn't care more about Kira than him was 0.02%. "No." He lied skillfully. He paused. "Do you want a drink?" he asked robotically, more out of duty than anything.

Shaking her head she paused, pouting. "Did I offend you?" she lowered her eyes. "Who did you lose?"

Near took time in considering his answer, and in the end he didn't offer one. Moving around her, taking her arm in his, he stood behind her, positioning her body. "You're holding the club wrong." He lowered his head onto her shoulder, he was taller than most people his age, and much taller than this girl. Her hair smelt like strawberries, he liked strawberries. She was nice, maybe she wasn't like the rest of the girls. Maybe she was. Did it matter to him anymore? "It's more important about who I've found." He whispered.

Roger watched from his car window and smiled. Perhaps the boy's future wasn't so bleak after all.

**NR'S NOTE:** Thankyou so much for all your reviews, author alerts, favourites- everything! You are all brilliant! I love reading your answers to the questions, and I really enjoyed the ones for my latest question. mockingjay-lawliet-paramore is our second winner of this question, but all your reviews were brilliant. If you really crave a date please sent me a message telling me who with and were. For our festive question-

What gift should Ryuzaki get Light for Christmas? Please give reasons why!

That's all for now. Hope you enjoyed the latest addition. Good reading and good night!


	15. Chapter 15

Dear Matt,

You know that's a lot easier said then done but fine. For your sake I'll give it a shot! I'm not RPGing right now so that's a good sign right? (I wish I was though...) And Sunday, Thursday and Monday sounds perfect and I don't mind sharing on Friday! Sounds great! But won't Mello be pissed that he has to share you? I don't think he'd be too happy about this arrangement... But it doesn't matter! It's too late now! Well anyway, I should probably get to my problem now. It's a stupid problem but whatever, Mello would understand how I feel. He can answer too if he wants. So yeah, yesterday I just got my report card at school. I was SOO excited because it was the best report card I've ever gotten in all my life! I had almost straight As! I got an A in every subject but two: Gym (Which I'm sure you can understand, I could have gotten an A if I had tried as opposed to spending each Gym class talking about you and Mello... But I'd rather not try.) And French. (The most idiotic language of all time that I'm leaving next year) So then I asked my friend what she had gotten on her report card, and she got STRAIGHT A'S! That's not fair! She even got an A in French (That she never studies for EVER) and Gym (She tries even less than I do!) Please tell me how this is fair! And don't tell me I have to start trying in Gym because that's not gonna happen. Thanks for the advice!

Love, ISoundLikeMello

Dear ISoundLikeMello,

What Mello wants doesn't matter. Mello's always the dominant one. He's the mafia boss, he's the leader. Everyone writes me as the recessive. Mello is always the seme and I'm always the uke. Well let me tell you one think, that sure as hell ain't true. Mello will be pissed that he has to share me. Which is exactly why he must share me.

With Mello all you need is a firm hand. He likes to be told what to do. Of course he acts like he doesn't. He whines and moans. That just makes it more fun.

He likes tough love. Believe me.

Deep down he might be slightly disapointed, but he'll accept it.

Back to your problem. There doesn't seem to be much of a problem does there? Like me, you didn't get an A in gym. You could have but you didn't. If getting an A really mattered you'd probably be super upset and would also want to try. French- the most idiotic language that you're leaving next year- you don't like it, so why care?

Personally I like the language of French. A lot of video games are cheaper if you buy them in French, or Japanese. I was born in France (a little known fact about Matt) and brought to Wammy's at the age of ten. I speak French fluently, but of course have never had to learn it. So don't diss French!

Then again- you don't like it, so that's your choice. You didn't get an A, and do you not like the subject because of that?

Your friend got good grades. She probably thinks a lot about them even if she doesn't try. It always annoyed Mello that I got similar grades to Near and him even though I never even studied. Some people are just like that. Do you perhaps think you're jealous? Even slightly. It's alright to be jealous.

Hell it's not fair, but sadly life isn't. There's not much we can do about that I'm afraid. I just hope you feel better about it by now. It's hard when you do really well and someone outdoes you. But be the better person and smile it out.

By the way Mello has a hangover today so he's in an even worse mood than usual. He shouted something about hating me and wishing he was dead. I asked him for his reply to your letter. He said something so rude I can't retype it. Ever.

Then he told me to kill him now. I said now. He screamed for Kira to kill him, then put his head in his hands. After Kira didn't kill him he began to shoot at the hotel wall. They say money buys privacy, but in a moment someones going to enquire about the noise. He keeps complaining that I'm typing too loudly, then shoots at me. In a minute I'm going to kill him.

Do you think it'd count as self deffence in the court? Or what about insanity? Can I plead that

Matt

Dear Near,

Do I have a problem? All my life I've had a tendency to fall in love with fictional characters. I completely obsess over them and my friends think I'm crazy! Is it my fault that fictional guys are hotter and more awesome than real guys? I don't think so! They're just way better! When I was younger I obsessed over fictional CATS! (Warriorcats can make you love cats though) So is there something wrong with me? Also, I want to apologize to you. For a long time I thought you were an annoying little twit who should rot in hell but I was wrong. You're adorable and I completely love you now! So sorry about insulting you, do you forgive me?

Yours truly,

MelloFangirl :)

Dear MelloFangirl,

Why do you logically assume I can answer your question in depth and with personal experience? If you wish to talk to somebody who knows what it's like to become obsessed then Mello would be the one. He is far stranger then I am. He is inferior to me in every way.

Fictional guys are hotter and more awesome than real guys? Why I'm flattered! Perhaps it is because you needn't actually spend every waking moment with me. You would find me frustrating and annoying if you were with me every waking moment. I would become your worst enemy, or your lover within moments. I am far from perfect, and far from adorable. I am cruel, cold, and have been told that I am heartless.

My mentor, L was also extremley frustrating. His lack of social skills, his coldness, his cruelty. Some saw him as far from human. We are not far better than 'real' people. You simply observe the bigger picture when you see us.

And you do have a slight problem. But without problems there would be no need for the likes of me to solve them. Problems must exist. Without them nothing would happen. Not all problems are bad.

To become completely obsessed is not very healthy. You will find yourself looking for the perfect partner. But perfect doesn't happen in real life. Nor are people exactly like I am. Of course you can see the vulnerable side of the great N, you can see the weaker side, the adorable side. But what do the other SPK members see when they look at me?

They see cold. They see pure. They see an immature child who tells them what to do because he's smart. You won't be able to see both sides of everyone all the time. But with fictional characters you often can. There are thousands of versions of Mello and Matt online, on paper, everywhere. But there is only one copy of real people. I am flexible. I am a shape shifter. I am blended and mixed and bent to fit into other people's impressions. I am me, but I'm also a thousand different people.

You can see me in every aspect of my life. As a young child, scared, confused. Becoming more and more robotic each and every day. There are different versions of me. Sometimes I take Mello's friendship, and eventually our friendship breaks resulting in both our hearts breaking. Sometimes we were never friends. Sometimes it's because of what I've done. Sometimes it's his fault.

There's the stories of when I began my work on the Kira case. As a young adult, with emphasis on the young. It was hard. Life was cruel to me. But I learnt and I grew and I became great. My past present and future are split into thousands. I loved Mello. I hated Mello. I still love him, I still hate him. Matt, Backup, L, and even a young blonde girl called Linda who asked me if I'd go outside to play.

There's nothing wrong with you. You're like every other human on this planet. Most of them look for the perfect mate. Your version of me at the moment seems one. It always changes. Your opinion, your view of the perfect mate changes each and every day. Just slightly. Don't worry about it. It will pass. Just try to remind yourself that perfect isn't real. But the perfect guy is. He just isn't perfect.

My logic is apparently very hard to understand. But if you look closely it is there. And forgive you? Of course. I was once called the saviour of this world. And what is a saviour if he can not forgive?

Near

"Hey Light, I'm Natalie." she smiled extending a hand.

"Natalie, it's a pretty name." he paused. "Is it your real name?"

Natalie laughed, flicking a strand of long hair from her eyes. "Of course not." she grinned.

"Would you tell me your real name?" Light asked quietly.

"Maybe." she winked. "Later." she said with a shrug.

"Later as in?" he asked again.

"Later." she repeated.

"Well it's nice to meet you." he took her hand, and kissed it. It was then that Natalie noticed the chain around his wrist. He glanced at it and grinned sheepishly. "Sorry about that." he apologised. "It's a bit awkward. This is-" he gave a tug on the chain. On the end of it, stood a man, who had been sitting hunched over. Natalie had noticed him. She just hadn't realised that her date, and..it were together.

"Ryuzaki." the black haired man introduced himself. "It's a pleasure." he took her hand, then licked it.

She grabbed her hand away. "What the hell?" she demanded.

He frowned. "Did I not do it right Light?" he asked.

Light blushed. "I'm so sorry." he clapped his hands together. "I really can't explain. I-well-"

"Light is at perfect liberty to tell his date why he's chained to me."

"Right. Of course." he frowned. "You see, I'm a suspect in the Kira case. I'm-"

"He's the prime suspect." added Ryuzaki. He nodded at Light. They reminded Natalie of a master and his dog. She wasn't sure who was the master and who was the obidient animal. He winked obviously at Light.

"I told you. You're not helping." hissed Light. He glanced back up at Natalie. "Why, you look beautiful! Very beautiful. I am so sorry that you have to hear this-"

"I know all about you." she promised. "I did my research of Misa Misa's website. She blogs all about you."

"She does?" Light's voice raised an octave.

"Yeah." she sighed. "I was so sorry to hear that you were 'damaged' and 'broken'."

"She did?" he asked, voice still too high.

"She did." L chuckled.

"Right." Light rubbed his hands on his trousers. "You do look good tonight."

"My, you are charming aren't you?"

"Why thank you." replied L.

"Yeah.." Natalie managed a smile. "Last guy like you I met was all polite. Right until he tried to take me to his flat."

"I treat all women with respect." Light protested. "And Ryuzaki will too!"

"You seem like an ok guy." she figured. "It was nice of your Mum to set you up on a date with me!" she grinned. "Sayu said we'd be great together. But I bet you've got loads of dirty magazines with women you don't respect in them."

Light scowled. "I don't even read magazines!"

L jumped up from his crouching position, and pointed a long finger at Light. "Ah ah!" he cried. "Your alibi is void!"

"What?" Light demanded. "I'm not Kira!"

"I knew it!"

"Fine! Ok! I read pornographic magazines. Happy?" he shouted.

The rest of the people who were making their way about their daily buisness looked up. They weren't sure whether or not they should laugh or mutter disgustedly. They chose to do the second. Natalie stiffled an awkward laugh. "Right."

"You seem bitter Natalie." growled L. "Why is that?" he glanced at her. Then leaned closer as if he were a doctor examining her eyes. "Why are you bitter? Are you also Kira?"

"What?"

"I'm sorry about him." apologised Light. He put a hand on her shoulder. "Listen, I will prove to you that I am a gentleman. He's just.."

"Weird." Natalie lowered her voice. "He's probably the crazy, psychopathic mass murdering type."

Light nodded. "I wouldn't put it past him." he frowned. "But what's up with you?"

"I'm just being careful."

"Are you saying that you don't trust me?"

"Nobody's perfect."

"Apart from you."

She laughed. "Where are we going anyway? Sayu said you were into science stuff. They're showing something up at the museum-"

"What are you whispering about?" demanded Ryuzaki.

"We're not!" called Light. "You're just getting old! I thought a movie perhaps." he winked. "No chance for me to kill you there is there?"

"Ha! Yeah. Sounds cool."

When they arrived at the cinema Light grinned at her. "What do you want to see?" he asked.

"Oh I don't mind." she looked at the films list.

"There's a romantic comedy, it's also known as a chick flick. Young women of your age are assumed to enjoy them." Ryuzaki told her.

"Oh he likes to stereotype does he?" she growled to Light. He laughed.

"We don't have to see a chick flick." he offered. "There's a horror on, and there's one about a super hero."

She squinted at the words. "Ohh there's a modern murder mystery! I love solving puzzles!"

L nodded his approval. "Shall we Light?"

Light shook his head hurriedly, and lowered his head to her ear. "You really don't want him seeing one of those. He'll ruin it for you. He'll tell you the murderer after two minutes in just because of the fact that he smiled funny. And the horrible thing is that Ryuzaki is usually right. I really don't advise that."

"I'll take your word for it." she giggled.

"So what is it?" Light asked. "You choose."

She pondered for a second. "Well lets not see a show with sleazy women and races."

"Agreed." Ryuzaki nodded.

"Horror?" suggested Light.

"Horror it is." Natalie agreed. Light went to order three tickets, but instead of going towards the normal cinema screens once he returned, he led them towards a small door at the back. It had the letter L on it.

"Priority seats for those of Wammy's house." Ryuzaki informed her. Natalie lost every word but didn't object.

"Shall we sit here?" asked Light.

"Yeah, that's great." Natalie agreed. Moments after they were seated Ryuzaki complained.

"Light, I don't like these seats. Can we move."

Light glanced at Natalie. He gripped her hand tightly, tilting his head at the question. "Yeah, it's fine." she told him.

They moved nearer the front. The film started to play. Only a few other people were in their showing. Moments later Ryuzaki spoke again. "Light, these seats are too close. I have a headache."

"We'll sit in the middle then." Light told him, frustrated.

Minutes later. Natalie was pleased there had been no adverts. They were now watching the psychic search the old hospital, and the psychopathic ghost was about to lunge for him. She almost screamed when she felt a hand suddenly grab her shoulder. It was Ryuzaki. "What is it?" she hissed.

"I don't like it!" he whispered.

"It's not real." she murmured back.

"No I mean the seats! They're not comfortable."

She glanced at Light who was content. She looked back at Ryuzaki. He was sitting like an odly shaped bird, perched with his knees pressing into his chest. "If you sat like a normal person then you wouldn't be uncomfortable!" she turned to looking.

At first Light had intended on killing her as soon as he laid eyes on her. But now he decided not to. Anyone who could stand up to L like that, was fine with him. He jumped as the ghost attacked the psychic, and laughed as he heard L's stiffled cry as he hit the floor face first. Perhaps this would be fun after all. Dating with L wasn't that bad.


	16. Chapter 16

_Dear Near, (Hey that rhymes!)_

_I have a problem. I'm in love with someone who's probably more insane than I am! He loves blood, loves killing, and, well, I love running my fingers through his raven black hair and looking at his crimson eyes. But, he seems to not feel the same way. I think he just feels that I'm his partner in killing. How do I win him over? do I just ask him?_

_sincerely yours,_

_13 13_

_P.S Not to bug you or anything, but is the NxMxL stuff true?_

Dear 13 13,

Why on earth do you choose to write to me? Of all the people in this world who would know more about relationships you ask me of advice. I am aware that I know almost everything but sadly no one is perfect. Even the great L had his faults.

He loves killing. I feared at first you were another Kira worshipper. My advice for Kira worshippers is that Kira would kill you as soon as your back is turned. He is not a loyal man but a cowardly ignorant fool who will be defeated.

But the blood part is not a symbol that Kira uses. He loves blood. Loves killing. He has crimson eyes and raven black hair. I used to know a man with raven black hair adn the palest of skin. I used to think perhaps he only saw me as his potential succesor. He was probably far greated than I'll ever be. I was never attracted to him, not romantically.

When I first arrived at Wammy's I was like a lot of other children. But the longer I was at Wammy's, the more robotic I became. I distanced myself from others, I distanced myself from emotions. In my line of work, my life choice and my situation, emotions are a weakness. Emotions get in the way. We must look at things logically but emotions prevent that.

I wanted him to see me as a brother. As more than just his succesor. Psychologists would argue I wanted him to be my substitute father. I do not know what I wanted. But I wanted him to notice me. I distanced myself from my emotions even more just so I could become his real succesor. Maybe he would notice me then. Instead I became hated by the other children at Wammy's, I became cold and almost sociopathic. I passed the point of no return. Mello hates me, Matt dislikes me. The other children gave up on me. Even Roger gave up on me.

I live in a shell of my own. Work is all I do. Solve cases. After all, if you can't solve the puzzle then you're just a loser.

I know it's Beyond Birthday who you lust over. L's perfect copy. I know that he did not die, I know that has begun killing again. I know that it is only a matter of time before I catch him. I will bring Beyond Birthday to justice. I will also bring you to justice for your part in the killings.

Decide what you want from him. As you say he's insane. Backup's mental stability is always shifting. He is a very dangerous man. Do you want friendship, or romance? When you've decided on which then you may continue. To solve this puzzle you must first find the problem. What is the problem? You must have doubts. Will he love you? What's wrong with me if he rejects you?

You are already close to him. Grow closer and initiate physical contact. Break the physical touch barrier and bring down the walls he's put up to protect himself in his mind. You must get into his head to know him. Find a way into his mind and relocate there. Make sure you are always in his mind and he is in yours.

If all else fails then tell him. Ask him. Give yourself to him and hope. If he rejects you then he has lost someone who would aid him in killing.

I have had many theories about Mello and L. I think Mello admired L. Mello did everything he could to become close to L. As did I. But we went about it in different ways. When L died, I had destroyed myself so much mentally, that I couldn't cry. I still can't cry though I try so hard. Mello and L. Although part of me believes there was always a spark between them (L saw that flaming spark) Mello's heart was always with Matt. My relationship with Mello? No comment. He's gone now. And that is partially my fault.

My relationship with L? I've explained that. So LxMxN or NxMxL. It didn't happen. I can't change that.

Best regards

Near

* * *

><p><em>Dear Mello,<em>

_I parked my car in our local car park and a young man reversing bumped into me. He was going at least three miles per hour and although he didn't leave a scratch he got out and apologised many many times. It's been seven weeks and last night my neck got kind of stiff. I've watched a load of television and I'm thinking of suing. Do I have a chance?_

_Alex Rivera_

Dear Alex,

I told Matt not to stop for cigarettes. Was it a blue car with a fake licence plate? Your chance of succeeding with a claim like that? Not high. I wouldn't bother. Just... don't waste my time. Please...

Mello

* * *

><p><em>Dear Misa,<em>

_I have to get five A stars to get into the sixthform college I want to go to, and to do the course I want to do. I've already sat the exams and I keep having the same dream. In the dream the post comes and I get the letter that will hold my results and as I'm about to open it I wake up crying. I've had this dream four times in a week and I'm really worried. What could the dream mean?_

_Love_

_Lucy Loo_

Dear Lucy Loo,

I think you have an unconscious fear of letters and paper. Letters can be really scary, they give you paper cuts and they always have loads of complicated words on them. Like "unconscious" and "letter". However let me reassure you that they are safe if you handle them carefully. You're only young so you won't get important post. Just remember to wear gloves and ask an adult to help you open mail. Because letters can be very dangerous.

Misa Misa

* * *

><p><em>Dear B,<em>

_Can there ever be something that is MORE perfect? I've been thinking about this for at least an hour. So can you be MORE than perfect?_

_Sherlock_

Dear Sherlock,

Don't be pedantic. Of course things can be more perfect. Perfect is 100% and it's well known that some people give 110%. Also, so can a person be more than perfect? Yes. Do you want an example? ME. Shut up. Go home. And stop stalking me please. I realise that you are attracted to me. Just don't write me any more letters. Alright I know where you live.

B

P.S Just kidding! Write to me all you like. Ever need anything done- you know where I am.

* * *

><p><em>Dear Light,<em>

_I have a really cute girlfriend. She's smexy and fun. Except she's a tad bit obsessive. She glares at any woman who looks at me- including my own grandmother and toddlers. My next door neighbour is seven and she said she liked my hair. My girlfriend threatened to kill her. She threatens any female who comes within six feet of me and now she's started on male friends of mine._

_The main problem is that she's just getting in the way of my plans because of her stupidity. If I leave her I will die. If I kill her I will die. I want rid of her. What should I do?_

_Josh_

Dear Josh,

Kill two birds with one stone.

Or just lie to her. She's stupid? Some people call me sexist, some people call me a mass murderer. But honestly, stupid women were made to be lied to. Just tell her a little lie. Tell her you love her and you're only dating other women for an alibi. Tell her that she's the most important thing in your life and give her things to do. Tasks she can't mess up.

Light


	17. Chapter 17

_Dear NR..._

Dear Misa,  
>Ever since 5th grade all my best friends have boyfriends, and they always talk to them instead of me. I feel like im ugly and have low self esteem its not that I want 2 I just feel left out plz help<br>littlecuteface

_Dear littlecuteface,_

_Misa Misa is happy to help! Now not coming from America Misa has to guess that fifth grade is ten years old turning eleven that year? Remember Misa Misa didn't have her first boyfriend until she was fifteen. Misa's Light being her second ever boyfriend. Sometimes it's not your looks that stop boys from talking to you. Misa Misa is the most beautiful girl in the world (Light says so) and yet she hardly ever gets approached. Though Ryuzaki tells Misa that this is because she is annoying._

_Try making friends with boys and not expecting them just to approach you. Surely you have some friends that are boys? Or try talking to them yourself. Think of things you have in common, or start an activity you like. You'll meet guys that way. Just make sure you don't do something just because there's a boy you like doing it (that's kinda stalkerish and Misa is not a stalker)._

_Instead of concentrating on what you don't like about how you look concentrate on what you do like. List five things about your looks you like and pin it to your mirror. Add one each day. Look at this each time you feel ugly. True beauty is on the inside, and do you really want a boy who likes you just because you're smoking hot? Misa Misa wouldn't. That's why Misa Misa loves Light._

_Chose clothing that flatters your body, and remember to smile! That is Misa Misa's best tip! Even if you don't feel confident it will give you a boost. Fake it until you make it!_

_For more advice click that little review button again or Private Message straight away!_

_And remember- no one likes a stalker. Not even Light kun. Maybe that's why he threatened me with a restraining order...though I think that just means he likes me more._

_Lots of hugs and kisses_

_Misa Misa xx_

Dear Light-kun,  
>HOW DARE YOU YOU SEXIST BASTARD! YOU BELIEVE THAT WOMEN ARE MADE TO BE MANIPULATED! Oh, and Kira-kun, I'll make sure that you are at the head of B's hit list.<br>Once again

13 13

_Dear 13 13,_

_Please may I remind you that while I volunteer as an agony aunt I am not here to be slandered and insulted. I am not a sexist and my parents were married when I was conceived and when I was born. I may have expressed in an off comment that I thought women were quite easy to manipulate I never said that I personally would. As you know I was an A grade student and accepted into the top college. I joined the police force and am now on the L task force in the hunt for Kira._

_I have only the greatest respect for women, such as Misa Amane- my beloved girlfriend (not fiance no matter what she says). Misa Amane is a very useful woman to be around and without her support I wouldn't be where I am today. I would never misuse or abuse her. Another woman I have great respect for is Kiyomi Takada and although I am not a supporter of Kira I have great admiration for her. There are of course my Mother and Sister whom I love dearly and would never lie to...so yeah there's like loads of women I respect._

_Yours truly_

_Light (Not Kira and anyone calling me Kira will be sued by me for slander) Yagami_

Dear B,  
>my family doesn't trust me and everyone in it are complete control freaks. Got any (violent or non-violent) tips on what I should do without sacrificing my pride to lengthen the short leash my parents keep me on?<br>Stormy

_Dear Stormy,_

_What kind of leash are we talking about? I'm quite fond of leather ones. But at the same time if it's innapropriate for me to keep my Lawli on a leash I suppose it's innapropriate for your parents to keep you on one. Unless you're a toddler. I despise it when children run screaming from parents and advise all parents to put young children on leashes. Just not leather ones._

_The tactics I used to get Lawli on the leash were quite complicated. I refused to lengthen his leash because I knew he was enjoying it secretly. Apparently he wasn't. He waited until I was asleep and dislocated his own shoulder to escape from the straightjacket I'd placed him in. Then he managed to force his shoulder back into the socket and picked the lock of the handcuffs. When he managed to get the handcuffs off he eventually tore through the leash. After that escaping from the underground basement was fairly simple._

_I am a control freak and I quite enjoy it. Perhaps you should show your parents they can trust you, and therefore might not need to keep you on a leash. But of course you'll have to sacrifice some pride. You could always do what Lawli did (which was really impolite) and slightly messy._

_Yours_

_B_

Dear Mello,  
>I decided that since I act the most like you (I'm blonde, smart, and have a terrible temper), that you would be the most helpful with my question. I'm really good at school, have a few good friends, and I have fun with what I do. But the one thing that I have always wanted, and never seem to get, is a boyfriend. I like this really sweet and shy guy, but he's my rival in school and I have know clue how to get him to like me. Any tips?<br>one of your many crazy fans,  
>lighting027<p>

_Dear lightning027,_

_You forgot to mention dashingly good looking and devilishly handsome and such a better succesor to L than Near. And I don't have a terrible temper no matter what Matt says! I only shot at him once and that was almost an accident because if I had been trying to hit him I would have! Also I could have easily thrown him through the window instead of the game boy. He should count himself lucky!_

_Point is- my temper is perfectly under control. Even if Roger does say I need to try anger management. Well he's wrong! Alright? WRONG. No one tells me what to do._

_Another point- there is no way to get a guy to like you if he just doesn't. So please remember all these tips are useless if he certainly doesn't like you. And hey- how come it's me you come to for advice on how to get a boyfriend? Everyone thinks I'm gay and it's just stupid. All right? I am so not gay. I am the least gay person I know. Not that I have any problems all right? So get off my case!_

_Flirting usually works for me when I try to get guys- I mean girls. Yeah, I mean girls. So talking's important and all that communicating stuff. Strike up conversation and find things similar to each other. Like you're both intelligent? Talk that. Be gentle though- if he's quite shy then it might make him slightly afraid of you if you come in guns blazing (no pun)._

_Perhaps you should ask Misa if you want fashion advice. And L always gives relationship advice (though I'm not sure how seeing as he's never been in a relationship. Ever). But most importantly be yourself. Approach him first; don't expect him to approach you. Think about what you want, talk to him, joke with him, maybe pair up with him on a project?_

_Matt could have been my rival, or we could have been best friends. That's why I'm glad we're the latter. So next time you have to work in a group during a projet or you have to do an assignment together and so on try to get him in your group/pair. Just warn your friends before hand so they don't think you're ditching them. Tell them you want to befriend him because you feel sorry for him (if you're uncomfortable with sharing the truth)._

_Slowly build up a friendship instead of rivalry. If you get good results move slowly into the friend zone, and if you're ready go for the plunge. If it's meant to be it might happen, or he might not be ready yet. So don't give up. Just don't go Misa Stalker on him._

_Mello_

* * *

><p><em>Dear Readers,<em>

_A short addition to the story. Hopefully you'll enjoy and send all your questions to the little review box. I am in no way responsible for the dreadful advice of the Death Note characters. They are not my creations. But their answers are._

_The question for this week will be..._

_What was the name of the taskforce member killed in front of Sakura television station?_

_So press that little review button. Every presser makes Mello less angry and hopefully will persuade him to come out of the closet, Beyond will become more or less psychopathic (whichever desired) and Ryuk may or may not agree to reply to a few letters with important questions such as "Do God's of death get flu?" and "Is it possible for two Shinigami to have sexual intercourse?"_

_Send in your questions, your letters, and your answers to the QUESTION along with your chosen alias (Kira walks among us) which Death Note character you would like a date with (male, female, human/nonhuman) and where you'd like to go._

_Natalie River_


End file.
